Luke, I remember I used to tell you not to get ahead of yourself. Not just as an exercise in patience. Not because it hurts. Just because each and every part of this journey is important. Each part, if we let it, will show us something. And because it is necessary to let it all play out as it will.
I would not ever want to make it seem that I think the affair and resulting STD is something you just need to get over. But, in a lot of ways...it is. It isnt because those arent big, hurtful things because they are. Its because carrying that hurt around forever weighs you down. It stops you from moving forward and healing.
You arent there yet. I get that. Part of the way to get there is understanding that your feelings were hurt. Your ego bruised. Those are valid feelings in the short term...in the long term..they dont serve you.
I have been practicing living in the now. It's been tough at times, I am not going to lie. I am doing it because I would worry so much about what might happen, that I was missing what is happening right now.
Along with that, I practice gratitude. Being grateful for the my life and the people in it.
When I look back on all that has happened to me, I wish I didnt hang onto a lot of stuff that I had. It was the way my journey played out and thats ok. But if I had to change one thing..that would be it. Letting go of the bad feelings sooner. I realized that no amount of me hanging onto them was going to change what happened. No matter how hard I tried.
You are learning about you...what you want, what you dont in the future and thats important. But what is equally important is what you see along the way. Whats important is living life each day without thinking too far into the future because we cant possibly know what its going to be.
Of course your w doesnt want to think about or talk about whats happened. Who would? I would suspect part of her cant believe she did that.
There will be time for you both to hash that out...her when she is stronger...you when you arent still feeling so hurt. For now, focus on your life. Focus on your boy and peace and your faith. Allow what is supposed to happen...to happen.
