The questions are am I brave enough to put my heart out there anyway? Can I be healthy enough to put my best self forward so my needs and behavior are reasonable? And am I able to be satisfied with a M that still brings a lot of pain, and not grow resentment because it's not the paradise I feel entitled to because of the work I'm doing?
Scary. I commented before re: knowing when you were ready and NEVER feeling ready. I don't feel like I could handle it at all ATM, but do imagine what it will be like.
R with the W, I envisage the same things - payback time, being one of them. I think I have also commented to you before that the reality is ANY future R is likely to be with a woman as flawed as your W, or your former self. She might be a former WW, she might even be a really cunning WW in the throes, she probably won't be a DB'ed, continually growing woman (unless you start up that dating agency ).
For me, I feel it is summed up in "continually" growing. Which hopefully means that I don't need to be 100% "fixed" before I engage in another R. I will probably be waiting forever if that is the case. I also suffer from the same problem you have talked about before that I have always been anxious with women, transitioning from friends to romance. Now it is likely to be infinitely harder .
Your comments about controlling your next R to avoid the same outcome. This is like the "personality/personality disorder" discussion. I am scared that I will even be preachy in my next R, or try to bring her up to speed on how to ....... But, i am quietly confident that these thing will settle. I have to consciously work on these things. What you are talking about is still around the corner for me, but in general I can see from things that have already happened. They gradually become part of who you are, settled.
Then I hope we can just enjoy everything else. I think Sunny is right. There is an age restriction to this. The odds of finding "that" woman are already slim, the odds of finding one that has outlived her years and become that woman....... I experience a "good sadness" sometimes. If my W had've walked with me then maybe we could have experienced this together and "that" woman would be my W. But as we ave all noted .... "rock bottom and then on your own".
Best o luck wrestling that SOB.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
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