He would tell you (and this is what he said in therapy) that I am controlling in he felt that he had to ask permission to do things, that I asked too many questions about where or why he was late and he feels like I am looking over his shoulder and that I snooped. He said that he didn't feel loved and now I want him only because there was a OW that he was texting last summer who he says was just a friend. He would say that he has no feelings for me and doesn't love me the right way anymore. He would say that he doesn't want to talk about the R and I won't leave it alone.
So by constantly asking him about the R .. how does that go against coming off as controlling? See where he might have a point here?
I do ask about the R I waited two weeks then asked how it was going. He got very angry. I know this is the wrong thing to do but for some reason I keep asking because I am so confused by why we aren't together. Thinking if he would just talk about it I could fix it.
I had the same problem .. you can not fix it. Accept that and start following the DB principles and you will be better off for it.
I am trying to work on myself. I have been not asking him questions about where he is or where he is going. I do not give any advice on what he should or shouldn't buy. I do ask him when I see him how he is and how was work but I have read that those are questions that you shouldn't ask as they are perceived as controlling. Like I said above the one thing I need work on is not asking how he feels about us and the R and not putting all of my concentration on H and what every word he says to me means or doesn't mean.
I am so afraid that he will file for divorce that I am constantly checking with him about the R to see if he wants and I need to stop.
I know it seems the opposite .. but the more of ^^^^ that ... the more you are pushing him away ... you can not control if he files or not, no more than you can control what underwear he decides (if any) to go with on a Wednesday.
Somehow you really need to move all the energy you spend on your H, towards yourself and detach .. like 25 said .. its very hard but you can not start to do the work till you move out of your H's head and back into your own.
I don't feel I have ever controlled him this was new to me he goes wherever he wants 2-3 weeks of vacation a year by himself with friends etc... we always mutually agreed on things to buy sometimes if he had been gone and wanted to go again I would ask that he spend time with us.
You may not feel you have, but your H has stated this ... its how HE feels and he has openly shared that ... so for him its a trigger .. one you have to start respecting or you will send him running faster and further.
Your M is broken, H fired you from being his wife ... you are still there out in the rain waiting for him to return but he is not going to even look your way when its the same ol same ol .. there was a reason why he left .. is it solely the control thing ... I doubt it but right now thats the only clue you seem to have, time to detach, GAL, 180 and listen to what he says ... not mind read .. actually wait and listen.
