25yearsmic: I will keep posting here. Thank you. for advice.
I have read DB and have been referring back because you are right I am focused on H all the time about what he is doing, thinking and meaning behind what he is saying.
He would tell you (and this is what he said in therapy) that I am controlling in he felt that he had to ask permission to do things, that I asked too many questions about where or why he was late and he feels like I am looking over his shoulder and that I snooped. He said that he didn't feel loved and now I want him only because there was a OW that he was texting last summer who he says was just a friend. He would say that he has no feelings for me and doesn't love me the right way anymore. He would say that he doesn't want to talk about the R and I won't leave it alone.
I do ask about the R I waited two weeks then asked how it was going. He got very angry. I know this is the wrong thing to do but for some reason I keep asking because I am so confused by why we aren't together. Thinking if he would just talk about it I could fix it.
I am trying to work on myself. I have been not asking him questions about where he is or where he is going. I do not give any advice on what he should or shouldn't buy. I do ask him when I see him how he is and how was work but I have read that those are questions that you shouldn't ask as they are perceived as controlling. Like I said above the one thing I need work on is not asking how he feels about us and the R and not putting all of my concentration on H and what every word he says to me means or doesn't mean.
I am so afraid that he will file for divorce that I am constantly checking with him about the R to see if he wants and I need to stop.
I don't feel I have ever controlled him this was new to me he goes wherever he wants 2-3 weeks of vacation a year by himself with friends etc... we always mutually agreed on things to buy sometimes if he had been gone and wanted to go again I would ask that he spend time with us.
