Coming back from my emotional abuse

[GoRoPo]

So, the last days have had ups and downs. Mostly ups, things looking friendly and hopeful.

Wife went out of town for the weekend on a moms' vacation with other moms from school. Was happy for her, knew she would enjoy, and happy for a small break in the relationship.

Mother's Day was tricky, didn't want to do too much or too little (from the kids).

Had couples counselling today. Didn't go in to my emotional abuse too much, other than to say when it came up that I do think it was emotional abuse.

Both today, and when it came up last week, seems to stick with the wife a lot, and she said that she kind of even saw admitting that to herself as another "turning point" in terms of coming to terms with the relationship. She didn't say it in a positive way. In a way that was like "Oh yeah, I don't know (think?) that I can forgive him for this."

Therapist is great, not pressing for decisions but also doing the therapy thing of asking us to think about the future, where we might see ourselves. Also, sometimes when there is an impasse, separating for a bit might be the only thing that can unstick it.

So, I guess what I'm asking is... what to do now? Anything? I can tell that there's no "saying I'm sorry" for this. In fact when the therapist asks me to look at her and say it, I can see my wife kind of hardening against it.

Arrgh, so unsure, I know I need to just take a deep breath and disconnect... not sure how to do that right now. I'm not panicked, just sad and not sure whether to be hopeful or not.