If your H has depression -- it's not going to just "clear up" overnight. And sometimes you can't just spring things on people. What I've found that helped my H when he was in the middle of a depression would be to say, "I would like an opportunity to discuss something related to a, b, c and d. When would be a good time for us to meet and talk? That way he didn't feel bombarded, and he chose the time when he felt most receptive. Perhaps you could try something similar -- but I would advise you, being fresh into this -- to back off a bit and let him discuss things or if you must, bring them up at a time, either in therapy or when he's receptive to it.
I can understand the frustration about not having answers. I had the same thing. I still have it to some extent. Like, hi.....you've been on your own for 8 months and things have gotten worse for you, not better -- can you see that this is not entirely "us" persay? But I keep my mouth shut and keep going.
I read a great article in which an author was going through a separation with her husband. He may have been having a MLC, I don't remember. And friends were asking her how long was she going to wait, how long was she going to allow this to drag out. And her response? She said what was a bad year, being separated for a year if it meant that she would have her marriage for the next 25+ years. She ended up being separated for three years before they reconciled.
Things take time. Take a deep breath. Let it play out.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
