Rock bottom means different things for different people. As I recall, you've gotten up and left restaurants when taking to your W before. Are you at rock bottom?
I have a different perspective on rock bottom. In my opinion, you guys aren't anywhere near rock bottom. But that's just from my perspective and observations and opinions.
It really doesn't matter what we think -- it matters what you feel and believe.
HD - I think you're letting your W have too much real-estate in your head. I think you're taking things too personally --- and I know it's hard not to. I agree with the poster who said that W is reflecting her problems back on you. My IC has said similar things to me as well.
I may be completely off, but HD, I get the feeling that you are a sensitive soul who has been hurt in the past and has alot of walls and toughness to her to protect herself from past hurts. When you love, you love deeply. You wear your heart on your sleeve. And this is so hard for you because it's not at all what you imagined and what you wanted and a various amounts of other things swirling around inside your head.
What your W did to you and your family is not indicative of you as a person. It does not define nor value you. It's so hard to try to find a lesson from all of this, but HD, maybe this is preparing you for something greater. A new R with your W, or with yourself or with someone else.
I urge you to live your life without regrets. Without second guessing, without the what ifs.
The moment you let go of the control or the need to control (and it's so ironic that I type this because I'm a control freak) great things are going to happen. You just have to throw your hands in the air and see what you'll catch.
(HD)
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
