The "talk" scheduled for Saturday..

[Tulo]

Dear Zeus,

Not to good and have not been able to even put all my thought into words. Sorry about that.

Saturday came and I went to his place before my run as we've decided. All felt pretty good and he came with me to the start and moved along certain points around the track to cheer me on. Felt great and I shaved of 1 min 38 sek of my previous PB on 10K.

After that we went to his place, I showered and we went to eat at a nearby restaurant and talked about this and that.
We went to drive his teenage girl, to her boyfriend and then we went back to his place for "the talk".

It was a mess.. Or maybe not a mess, just really really hard. He said that he felt that he had no more feelings, that he didn't want to be in a R with me and he didn't think that keep trying would solve that but maybe result in us not wanting to see each other. That he thought that he might realise in a week, a month or a year that this was a major mistake and that he in that case knows that I might have moved on. I tried to listen as best I can, but he still said at one point that he wasn't going to be persuaded, so I guess I didn't do it as well as I ought to.

He cried, I cried, we had sex twice (I know bad decision, but it's so strange to me how he sex can be so good between us but still it's over) cried some more. He said that he had promised himself to live by his feelings, and not to stay in something he didn't think was right and that he felt that he needed to this.

He said that he had been thinking about this nonstop during this time that we hadn't been in as much contact as usual, from the moment he woke up until he had gone to bed at night. He said that "you think this just is so easy for me but I've gone to bed the same time as my son, because I've been exhausted just thinking about this"

We didn't exchange key's, he asked if I felt it was a need to do it then and there and I said no (and started crying).

When I left he said that he wasn't going anywhere and that I should always know this. (As a friend that is. )

I sent him a text to say thank you that he cheered me on during the race, and he sent back that he had fun and was glad that he had been there. And that he was very proud of how well I was doing.

I feel so broken. He has said that he might come to watch me run the half marathon in 2 weeks time. We have ended this on a pretty good