Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[edz]

Hi Toots

Just been reading back and realised I didnt answer yourt question on suffocation in my m. Yup totally undestand what she means. I was extremely codependent on w. Being an introvert I dont have a huge social scene, I attached a lot of responsibility to w and it overwhelmed her. Unfortunately we didnt communicate, she said she told me this was an issue and she may well have done, my depression (which Im open about but dont use as a get out of jail card - I wasnt "posessed") meant I may have just not taken it in.

So we spiralled. I would behave in a way she found suffocating (always around 24/7 no going out doing things alone, not taking s out alone or seldom so, needed validation) she would back off making me feel abandoned and clinging on....and so forth. Ultimately s ended up in the middle of this and became a competitor for time with w and, by now, my depression had me at the bottom of a very deep dark well and my relationship with him broke down as I distanced him.

None of this is behaviour I would now repeat.

W and I have discussed this, I have said I want us both to have outside interests, to have days where we go and do our own things with our own groups, where we have days together as a family (as we have been doing recently but maybe further afield or abroad as well) and days as just a couple. None overriding the others, all in balance making us more balanced people that dont just have "the family" and nothing else.

W accepts this and as we talk more is building trust that we wont, I wont, revert back to something she felt she had to leave. She's said we wouldnt be at this stage if she didnt believe that.

Ultimately, as I've said to W, she can judge my actions as they are now but anything I say relating to us back in a m, living together although true and from the heart are words until we try and we then have to maintain our new level of communication to ensure we grow both as individuals and as a couple.

Shes said she no longer feels the way she did that there were no go topics that she just couldnt raise as she didnt know what I'd say or how id react, she's aired everything she had an issue with and weve moved on and that we would keep doing so.

I think its just a case of her believing completely and past the logical side of her mind (which she says is fully convinced) to her emotions that this isnt an elaborate front, my physical changes, emotional stability, lack of depression symptoms and impacts, relation with s. Its overwhelming evidence that that me isnt this me and he's not coming back but she like all of us is human and doesnt want those days again so is a little afraid but working on it.

Hope that explains, feel free to ask any questions toots, thanks for asking