Surrendering this battle to win the war.

[Pyrite]

How do you normally find forgiveness for people that have hurt you? How do you normally avoid judging others?

My 1st reaction is I don't. Thinking a bit more I have actually had to forgive people before for big things, and regular for small things. I think this is combined with the "judging" aspect you question.

I suppose what I have done without being consciously aware of it, and what I have to do now consciously is accept what has happened, and not be "judgemental" of my W. I use "" because I mean not to extrapolate her reaction to her entire personality. And like your post to Smothy, steps 2. and 3. She is not me. Accept her to be her.

I saw (existing) IC today (best session ever BTW - real breakthroughs between us AND for me). We got talking about where I think I need to go to next. I told her that I felt I needed to forgive her. She asked the same question as you did Dr Z. I told her that ^^^^ was my understanding of all that I could do to "forgive her".

She gave me a few extra pointers, but commented that it was too early to expect this, and take it easy on myself. Just live with where I am for a while and detach from here. This was really good advice for me - I am attacking this like I do everything else that I want, full throttle.

She also asked me why I thought this was (ready to 2*4 me if I strayed - which is exactly what I want/need). Low self-esteem. Then we linked everything together, coming from this low self esteem.

I distinctly remember my pre-tumour childhood and being a normal kid. She thinks I have brought my childlike coping mechanisms (which are fine as a child), into my adult life, which absolutely don't work.

Great day. Ironically realise I am a total f*** up, but great day. Because from here, I am in charge. For the first time in my life, today and the past few weeks I honestly feel like I have a say. I have never felt in charge of who I am, I can control who I want to be. I want to call my W and share it with her. I know I can help her as well, but sadly I agree with everyone here - you have to hit rock bottom and then do it on your own.

:* Love you guys.