Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[edz]

Good morning all and the grey skies continue down here today, are we disheartened, weatherwise...er...probably but otherwise well no.

Yesterday afternoon w called me and invited s and i over to have dinner, s had said he wanted to go swimming after we'd been playing gin and chess in the afternoon so after that we headed over, I packed the chilli in a coll box along with some wine and other bits as I know s is not a casserole fan.

Lovely dinner and w was again happy for me to stay over (sofa) so a lovely evening. I helped with kitchen cleanup and did any dishes and pans that wouldnt fit in the dishwasher which gave us some time to talk. W is very serious about moving on. We discussed locations, some houses I'd seen and their location, relation to my work, my working from home and how she doesnt perceive a problem now s and i have a good relationship (depends on distance if we end up fairly close to the office I'll still go in a few times a week) notice on her flat, notice on the house etc.

We touched upon MIL reaction when she finds out and will she make things difficult re cats etc, w's reaction was she's past caring. Not sure I'm 100% believing that w fully believes that but its progress she's going there.

Discussed that when she's ready and only then we should sit s down and talk to him about the big picture on whats happening. He sees fragments and I answer his questions but as I said I thread the needle, it would be an easy thing to tell him but Im wary about w feeling cornered into not being able to take her time if s knows and is expecting things by a certain time.

W has given me some pictures to bring back to the house for the wall (we had them at our first place together) so I'll put those up later, she'd said she didnt feel there was a place for her that it was s & i (no arguing as thats how it was put together at the time, doesnt mean that cant change but I know she'd rather we started somewhere together instead) may help her to see some of "her" apparent here apart from small nicknacks and photos.

Other than that, another nice family evening. W pointed me toward a photobook shed had done last year, she said I hadnt seen it and to be honest she had a point that I didnt want to. Right then becoming enmeshed in photos of my family was not something I could have taken emotionally, before BD well, depression meant I'd pretty much hidden myself so deep I probably didnt want to go through it. It was brilliant though tracking s from his scans right through to recent times. Telling that I vanish from photos about 5 years ago and also get heavier throughout before I vanish, it was good to reattach with those memories.

S was rather ingrained in youtube on his phone and we had some friction at settling at bed time but we got there. W and I watched a bit of drama but she was tired so headed for bed and I settled on the sofa. Fairly good night if some odd dreams.

Up this morning - got some coffee on, mini ablutions (when w is more comfortable I'll take some spare clothes etc with me but I dont want to seem assumptive just yet, w did give me a toothbrush there - albeit in the bathroom cabinet not the toothbrush holder just in case FIL comes in as he doesnt knock just unlocks the door and walks in while ringing the doorbell) cleaned out wft's bowl and gave her some fresh food and chilled until w and s got up.

After a little talking (nothing r obviously) headed back to the house.

Not fed BFT yet as shes been having "issues" with food last few days so I'll do her some chicken cut small in a bit and mid morning grab a shower and shave.

W & S are at MIL tonight for dinner after helping FIL picking him up from having a car issue sorted, I dont expect "the talk" will take place between them today but w is suprising me quite a bit with her progress toward us reconciling and with nice times like yesterday or election night so Im literally not having any expectations, we shall see.

229 days on w's schedule remaining, I think she genuinely wants that to be the timeframe or indeed sooner (thats to Christmas day - sorry guys yes thats how long you have to the next one!) she was talking about finding somewhere and putting in a months notice on the flat etc although I noticed when I mentioned letting me know on points she raised last night before I left this morning she was showing defensive body language and went quiet so moved away from the subject. She still "tunes" in and out in she becomes invested and intense and pushes then retreats a little and I think worries internally becoming quiet and introspective.

I've told her thats fine and to be expected, if she wants to talk anything through she knows she can (and she says yes she knows that) otherwise she can take space and time and work it through.

Keeping on keeping on..

Thanks guys.