Kramer's Journey

[Kramer]

I have now gotten past the bargaining stage, and am primarily in the anger stage as my eyes open further and I look at things objectively. There is still sadness of course, but mainly anger.

I am angry that she chose to unilaterally end our marriage without even trying to make it work. No counseling, no conversation, just a quick divorce filing and escape to OM's house.

I am angry that she was so deceitful and callous for the 3 months that she carried in affair before I found out about it. The things she said about me to him were so hurtful and untrue.

I am angry that she snuck off to surgery with him at her side, and didn't tell me or her kids or family. I am even more angry that she came home for me to take care of her, until she felt well enough to go to OM house. It was me who was there for her while she was puking her brains out and too weak to walk to the bathroom by herself.

I am angry that she has completely written off my kids and grandchildren since I discovered her affair. They loved her and are deeply hurt by her actions.

I am angry that she has not shown any remorse about her actions, and expects me to be her friend.

I readily accept my faults and contributions to our troubles, but will no longer take on the brunt of the blame. I never had a chance. The last few months we were together was so stressful, and I blamed myself for being distant and emotionally neglectful. In reality, she was deep into her affair, and had already checked out. I would get angry because I felt ignored and would put up walls. This would reinforce her thinking that she was making the right decision with her affair. It snowballed and we never stood a chance. If only we could have stepped back and tried to communicate, things could have been so different.

I still love my wife, but must admit that she is not interested in me or marriage to me any longer. I cannot live in the past or look at things through rose colored glasses. I am making great strides in self improvement, and that is the silver lining here. I had turned into a callous, pessimistic, and condescending person. Her actions have provided the impetus for change, even if it appears that it is too late for us.