Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Hi Toots,

As ever thanks for your comments. Yeah, W does seem to be really wayward now. I am wary of twinmom's comments that I am just saying I'm better than my W all the time, but I have to say it does seem like she has regressed to a kind of moral free rebellious teenager in some ways. Unfortunately when I was a bit of a mess immediately post break up she took advantage to make sure things are in her favour finance wise. I am recovering from that now but she isn't contributing at all to our household bills which makes things more difficult for me.

Dating wise, I understand where you're coming from. Of course I would like things to work out with this girl otherwise I wouldn't have dated her. I have made one or two new friends recently and they have commented how just a few months separated is no time at all - one of these people has been S for around two years and still doesn't feel ready to move on! It's funny, I don't feel I'm fooling myself or looking to replace something, but of course everyone would like to share their life with someone, and I feel that since saving M seems incredibly unlikely to happen (neither of us want it really) then I don't see the need to hang around and wait a set time. I am very much a person who can 'switch off' bad things pretty quickly (nothing like a M of course) and move on without much thought about the past. I feel I am doing that now with my M. Circumstances mean that I am only seeing W maybe once a week - if that. I don't miss her. When I see her I feel some pity for her actually, pity that she feels she has made the right choice and is moving on with her life, but she hasn't realised that she had it pretty damn good beforehand and the likelihood of that happening again for her (not just statistically, but knowing her intimately, personally as well) is quite low. I'm sure she could find a new boyfriend etc today if she wanted to, but finding a long term partner is going to be hard for her.

Of course I find myself in that boat too, but I don't have the kids living with me to contend with and I don't think (maybe wrongly) that there's the same kind of stigma around that when it comes to men.

Regarding your comments toots about a healthy young woman not getting involved with me at this stage, I guess you're right. This girl mentioned her own emotional baggage (long term R ended months ago) so maybe that is coming into it too. Maybe it is simply an attraction thing. I don't know. I do know that I'm going to carry on the path I've started down of changing my life for the better, being a great dad, living life to the full, and if something or someone comes along as part of that I'll have to assess at the time what the best thing to do is then.