Heavy, forget the breadcrumb thing. It's Mothers Day, go see your kids, enjoy them, make them feel like the best kids in the world for whatever they made you. Enjoy being a mother. Forget everything else for the day.
Expectations are key. That's the hardest part for me. All the second guessing and feeling of walking on eggshells are moot if there are no expectations. So if you go and only want to go for your kids, you'll be fine and have a great time.
If you're thinking how to leverage the appearance to have a more positive effect on the relationship with your ww, that's where things get tough
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Meeting family for lunch - kids are excited - me not so much. It's so hard to sit there and know what she has been up to , the lies, the sex, the affair, how much she hates me and our marriage.
It's like having lunch with a Tasmanian devil.
I will be cordial polite and courteous to her. I will really enjoy seeing my children. I will focus on my kids as much as possible. Zero expectations from ww
Hey Heavy - wishing you the best. Make it a great mother's day for you and the kids too.
I am trying to do the same - faking my way through the day (and trying not to ruin it for the kids sake).
Going to stop by my parents, then going to a family dinner with in-laws, Then back home and business as usual.
I am so tired of her ability to ignore. I really need to develop this skill. Sometimes I feel like when I ignore the elephant, I lose all ground though.
My goal - cordial, keep snide comments inside my head, shut my eyes when they roll. I considered staying away, not acknowledging mothers day - but I guess that is not fair to her or the kids, I wished her a happy one, took d15 to get gift, gave money to s17 for gift.
Good luck today
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Sounds lika a good plan. Keep up the PMA no matter what...and if your W wants to 'talk' about any D or R stuff, maybe just say - Hey, I'm happy to talk another time - just not right now...
Good luck HD - you've got this! ((HD))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Good luck heavy! We seem to be going through similar situations. I am constantly battling wih the loneliness and trying to get through the hurt of her ignoring, not caring about me, no contact with her and trying to get through the lying and cheating.
It's so hard and I wish it would be over and I could be happy again. I hope you have a great lunch!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
#2. greeted www with a cordial wave and hello and the kids jumped on me and I hugged them
#3. Kids ordered their pizza, WW did too and then aked "you are not eating" I said "no, thanks but I will get a drink." I just had a brunch. We made polite small talk in the line.
#4. Kids gave me their gifts, I was effusive with praise.
#5. WW and I made polite small talk about family, her mom, her Dad, my Mom, etc... It was all cordial and just polite, like a neighbor.
#6. After the kids finished (maybe 45 minutes later) I said OK, let's bus our tables kids.
#7. I said to the entire table "Lets go get the shoes from the car that W wanted me to bring, and let me put some sunscreen on you monkey's and give you some hats. I also had to give D6 her Girl Scount vest. WW had reminded me about that earlier too. It was really sunny and hot and they had just told me they were going to the park to play.
#8. I walk out to the car, my daughter runs behind me, I put sunscreen on her, she laughed and she put on her hat. She ran back into the restaurant ahead of me. I gathered up the shoes and other hat, GS vest and walked back to the restaurant - my WW and son and daughter were gone. I walked back out to the parking lot, they were gone.
#9. I called WW on the phone and said "Where are you, I've got the hat, shoes, sunscreen, etc..." I honestly thought she was going to tell me she was at the drug store next door.
She replies "You left so we left." I said, "I told you I went to the car to get the shoes you asked me to bring and the sunscreen and vest."
#10. She was annoyed by her tone of voice, thought I had just gotten up from the table when I said I was getting sun screen, hats, and shoes. I clearly said I was going to the car, I will be right back. She turned the car around and met me in the back parking lot.
#11. She said "We don't need any sunscreen and we have hats too". I looked her in the eye and authentically said "Thank you for bringing me the Mother's Day Gifts, and for meeting for lunch. I really appreciate it, " and just let everything else drop. She drove off in a huff.
I swear. I am glad I had no expectations.
I felt like she is angry just seeing me, no matter what I say or do, she takes it as a put down. Again, I feel as if I did something wrong. In the old days I would have said "What is wrong, why are you upset? What's the matter? etc... This time, I looked past it and thanked the Mothers Day gifts.
