Ripken - LRT with a WW and divorce filed #2

[Ripken8]

Pilot,

Thanks for that. It makes complete sense. I know I'm struggling with how long this has been going on - the lying, the cheating, the detachment, etc.

I realize now, it's even longer than what she had said and looking back, there's probably been several other instances she's lied to me. I agree, this is not something I can find an answer for and maybe never will.

I'm surprised there doesn't seem to be any movement. When I read Sandi's posts about the WW and the fog, I thought the loss of our marriage and our relationship would lift the fog maybe not instantly, but soon. The fog is still there and no sign of it ever going away.

You say in time, she will begin to reflect. While that makes sense, it doesn't feel like that will ever happen. The longer time goes on, the more hardened my heart becomes towards her and I battle daily trying not to feed into it.

Going away this weekend couldn't have come at a better time. Tomorrow is our 11/14 anniversary and I fly out in the morning. Hard to understand how that doesn't register with her or seem to care.

That's another thing. I am understanding how over time, I could stay so angry and hurt that I could be indifferent and not care anything about her. That I could be mean and want to take things out on her for maybe the rest of my life.

But, that's apparently not where she is. Pilot, you say she's selfish and not done with intent to hurt. I have no idea how any person gets to a point where they can do those thins without intent. I do understand how you can get to a point where you do it out of intent.

[Ripken8]

Today is our anniversary and I'm flying out to New Orleans for the weekend, couldn't stay. As she's leaving for work I had thought or hoped she'd say something like goodbye or have a safe trip - expectations.

She comes into the room and wakes me up. Only to ask me to take out the trash and then leaves.

Also last night I got email from her lawyer. Ww and I spoke Sunday and agreed we needed to communicate more and be more open throughout the process. However she went Wednesday and had her attorney work up a proposal in an effort to expedite the divorce proceedings and never told me. 3 days after suggesting we talk more she completely does the opposite.

I never brought it up to her and won't. Will have all communication go through my lawyer. Also will continue to drag out the divorce. Not sure if it will have any impact on her like ending the affair, reconsidering things, etc. however, I know I need the extra time for me to get used to being separated, gal and process everything.

Everyone says she's not herself and these things she does or doesn't do are not intentional. But she says she is and is finally being her. Either way, I'm no longer sure if who she is or will be is someone that in can be happy with anymore.

[Ripken8]

Had a blast in New Orleans with one of my best friends. Coming back is tough though. Having to come back to Mother's Day and not celebrate it, realizing there's no one missing me at the house, no one I have to call if the flight gets delayed, etc. I miss the companionship and the team we used to feel like. That's all gone and no idea if it will ever come back.

Getting away is fun and was a great time. Coming back is really tough.

[Ripken8]

Loneliness is hitting me hard. That and being very anxious about what I'll be walking into. My ww has had zero contact with me and doesn't seem to phase her one bit. It kills me. Not sure what I can do now for today.

Coming back from a trip but had a lot of moments where ww and our sitch was the only thing I could think of. Have a meeting wih lawyer tomorrow and in a couple weeks I move out.

I was looking forward to that but today I'm worried all of my days will feel this Lonley. I'm not sure I can handle it

[Defacto]

Rip,
I know how hard this is hitting you right now.

What I try to do when everything hurts is tell myself (sometimes out loud) that now is the time to work on me. And everything else is out of my control.

Maybe this will help. Maybe not. Hang in there!

[Sotto]

Hi Ripken - you can do this. We all have our moments of doubt - and some are big moments I know! But you've made this plan and now you just need to make it work.

So, instead of thinking - I'm not sure I can handle it - why not think - what do I need to do to handle this - and make some plans.

I moved from our marital home straight in with my parents. And when I got my own place, it was a bit strange (and lonely) at first. Being late November didn't help much...

But, if you build some new routines, you'll do just fine. Make sure you have enough GAL going on. And when you are 'home alone' maybe cook yourself something nice, put the music on, or plan to watch something nice on TV. And enjoy being removed from the 'mess.' Of course you'll miss your W, but there will be things you don't miss too. Enjoy those..

You're going to be just fine, okay?

[sandi2]

Former LBH'S have said the loneliness passes, once you get through the grieving stages. Every day will not be a repeat of today.

Do you really want to help yourself get out of the funk today? Make some elderly mother feel better today. Maybe a mother who has a son/daughter in the military, or a mother who is in the nursing home and forgotten. Know who really feels like a misfit on this day? The woman who was not blessed with a child. And a real challenge would be a mother who has lost her only child. To recognize these precious ladies can mean so much to them. Just a minute or two of your time could lift their hearts and believe someone cares.

There are many people hurting today who cannot celebrate with their mother. But you know what we can do? We can adopt a mom for this one day, at least, to give her a little special attention.

[Ripken8]

Defacto, toots, thank u. Sometimes I feel like this board is all I have when I'm feeling Lonley. The gal activities are nice but can't cover all the available time. I'll actually come on and refresh the screen at times to see if anyone responded with words of encouragement or wisdom.

Thanks for everything. This is so hard and I know I'm preaching to the choir. It helps!

[Ripken8]

Sandi thanks for the suggestion. Was able to have lunch with my own mother today. That was nice but still tough.

I know there's no way to speed through the grieving process, but what recommendations does anyone have to help as I go through it? Anything to read?

I have a ic, I come here, db coach no longer seems to make sense. I'm trying to gal and have plans wed. Anything else I can do?

[Defacto]

I saw a great movie last weekend (Ex Machina). Highly recommend it. It even felt empowering to go see it by myself.