40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Hi MS, yes manager tools is a website. It's a great resource!
... Happy Mothers day
You deserve it.
Thanks I'll check it out.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Learning to not give too much away. Some 180s that I am feeling good about:
About me heading out to my parents for the weekend with D11
Friday. H: Aren't you leaving tonight? M: Haven't decided yet. H: It's better if you just leave. M: (silence-start making pasta for me and S: who was expecting pizza since H said he would order one but as of 8:00 no sign of it.) H: Why are you making him dinner now you haven't fed him dinner in 3 days. M: (silence with PMA) H: (orders pizza). I ended up waiting until the morning to leave.
**About the dinner comment: Tuesday I took them out to dinner for cinco de mayo, Wednesday I was running around with S13 for games and confirmation class and was going to pick up dinner on the way home but H got home first and made pizza bagels for them. Thursday I had plans to help my sister out with her kids and S didn't want to go, D and I had dinner with with niece and nephew--S was with H all night. Friday, D and I were planning on heading out for the weekend but S had plans Saturday and was going to stay behind with H. Interesting how he twists it as if I have been neglecting S because he had to be responsible for feeding him for a few days.
Saturday H: Did you find out about your job yet? M: Yes H: So do you have a job next year? M: I don't have to tell you that information.
These are huge 180s for me. I always divulge way too much information. Learning that I don't have to explain myself or have full disclosure is new for me and feels pretty empowering.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
That sounds like a good way of dealing with it - short, sharp answers. Trying this 180 stuff myself at the moment and Sandi's rules. I think I might be making some mistakes, but I'm doing communication with my W like you are, so, I guess if we're both getting it wrong, we're in good company!
Keep going. We're the winners!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Thanks Huddy. I slipped big time for the past few months. Last year this time I was in a good place and the 180s were really working. My life got much more complicated and my confidence has been shaken since October when I started realizing his friendship with OW was probably the catalyst for what was happening. That and my job insecurity. I gave my power to him out of fear and desperation and he used it to his advantage. But I am starting to feel like myself again, and trying to turn the tables back towards me.
180s work. It worked for me, until I slipped so drastically. And I don't even care if it saves my marriage at this point. I don't want the man he is right now. But what I need is to get my dignity back.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
Dignity is what it's all about. If they don't want you, somebody else will. I'm only starting on the path really, long way to go, but some of the advice on here is like gold dust.
I can see it's bad for you because you've had BD twice. That really does seem harsh. You do what's right for you.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Thanks. I feel like my confidence is starting to come back. I sense tables turning. I had a little naughty satisfaction when I found out today that what he thought was going to be a freebie from someone ended up being a discount. LOL. I knew it was too good to be true but he was so smug about it. Of course this means it will cost us both a lot more than planned, but I kind of knew that it wasn't going to work out the way he wanted so I have been setting money aside. I just love that this once again proves how he thinks he deserves handouts and doesn't appreciate kind gestures that are anything less than that. Once again proving to be financially unprepared--and he called me a mooch LOL. Makes it so much easier to accept the fact that he is no longer my problem. Good luck to OW--lol.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
I think I redeemed myself. Feeling better about things. Made a decision to no longer share any information with him even if he asks. He gives me nothjbg, I owe him nothing.
I am loving this new msd, take it easy, be cool but collected.
Smile.......
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
So how do I get passed the obsession I have with wanting to destroy Ow's reputation?
Especially now that I feel like I have nothing to lose, I am riddled with fantasies of telling everyone what she has done and has been doing. I want to embarrass both of them so badly and it would be so easy to do. But I know that is immature and won't do anyone any good. If anything it will just align them against me some more, which I really don't care about--since I am so over him, and ashamed that I ever bought into his BS.
Maybe I should just wait until the divorce is final and then see if I still feel this need to get even. Somehow I feel like I won't feel settled until I know justices is served. And I am not proud of myself for feeling this way.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
