Surrendering this battle to win the war.

[Pyrite]

hey Z,

i'm still thinking about your main questions. but re-reading your post several times I have to comment

Think about that for a minute. If she wasn't hurting you, do you think you'd care about her behavior? Before you bring the kids in, hold up. There are MANY jerks on this planet that treat other people poorly. You don't let it get to you because they're not part of your world, you don't allow them to impact you. Well, you need to let go of your WAW so you begin to feel that way about her.

This is true. You never returned to what happens when I do include the kids in, BUT this doesn't change what I know to be the truth, and your point. This quote segment and the rest is what I was kinda getting at with the posts about jumping off the roller-coaster.

She's not part of my world, the outcome with the M, what happens with her, her reactions, what she chooses to do, should also not be part of my world.

Not really for the sake of a future R, but lets call it that, I am on the path that I am , and will continue so, for the sake of my next R. Whether that is with her or not depends on circumstances at that time. I may not be attracted to a R with her. I suppose I wanted reassurance that this is OK to give up or perhaps even actively not want the M back. Actually, just typing that make me realise that I can't actively not want the M, or at least want to try and make the M work.

Bringing the kids into it, even when I am almost done, I know from where I am now even, that I will take two steps back for them, and give it a shot. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them, and if it kills me I will try to make the M work.

Realistically, 2 years down the track, even if I am not in another R, it will be very difficult to be attracted anew to a person that I know their "history" intimately. I doubt I will feel the love for her I do now, and I just may not feel it then. I am not going to force a R for the sake of kids. That R would be even worse than the one we had. Typing that about loving her, I even have to wonder how I actually feel about her now. Relative to 1,2,3,4 and 12 months ago. Things have changed. I have changed. Especially in the last month!

It may sound desperate, but I am not that worried about why she is angry really. It is a sore spot, but as you posted another time: I can poke the wound to test for tenderness, and most (at least a lot) of the time, I can deal with it without being emotional. I never thought I would feel this way, this detached. I can't imagine what the future holds now that I have two listing post BD scenarios that I can compare.