if it's too late why is he still here?

[lost18]

I really need to detach and let go. I am back on a downward swing. Some of the things he has been doing the past couple of weeks are wacky.

Today, D13 and I took off and were on our way to a tournament 3 hours away. Something started going weird with the car. I called him half jokingly and asked him if we broke down if he would come get us. I told him what was going on and he said we should turn around and come home. Long story short, that is what I ended up doing.

He had the boat hooked up to the truck and had washed it up and I said "we should put the boat in the water." He said "what do you think I hooked it up for, I'm going fishing tomorrow." OK, didn't invite myself, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Later he was texting openly so that doesn't raise any red flags. I guess it must have been D16 because then him and D13 started having a quiet conversation and I heard him ask "what do you want to get mom?"

Went out on the lanai to chat a little bit about D13s attitude she had this morning but because he has been so distant I left it at that and let him be, cleaned up the kitchen, did some laundry and watched tv... he was working on the boat and then he went on his computer.

Around 6 he gets in the shower and I hear him shaving. I assumed he was going out. D13 was in the pool and I was out there with her, he came out, put his wallet in his pocket and what not. Honestly, I was trying not to show my frustration openly, I have a tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve, very easy to tell my emotions...it's a curse! Anyway, about 10-15 minutes later he says he's leaving. D13 asks where he's going which leads to another conversation about him going to next town to see old army buddy who lives there now. He has mixed feelings because he feels this friend blames him for his D 18 years ago but said that's who he was chatting with and he seems cool but he's putting his pistol in the car just in case. WTF? We had a conversation about it, he's laughing but it's just so weird. He leaves, comes back about 5 minutes later and says he forgot to give D13 a kiss goodbye....I wonder if he thought he'd catch me trying to snoop. D13 thought he was acting really weird, asked me what was wrong with him. D16 has made comments over the past week or so about Dad going thru MLC...

I'm so frustrated, mostly with myself. I should be way more detached at this point. I guess I think if he's out physically with an OW it would change things for me somewhat...not that I want a D, but I can't continue to physically live with him. I'm really questioning what I'm doing. I think it's time to step back and start fresh. I really just want to cry right now but I can't....