It's a nightmare. Wake me up 2

[koalada]

First,

please realize that we know this isn't easy and it can get confusing, until if & when you have a fairly clear (but always flexible) Game Plan.

At this point, you still lack one. I HIGHLY recommend you hire a DB coach, for clarity if nothing else.

First let me say, that I am thankful for your reply, that you take time to help me. I really apreciate it. Here is the first part of my reply. I am busy tonight, so it might take me till tomorrow to write part II.

I do not have a real plan. I am on a tight budget and just can not afford the DB coach. I'd love to, but it is just not possible.

I do not want to give her the impression, that I am not interested in her stuff. If I am too short with words, she might think, that I am cold or rude or bitchy.

This is mostly about HER PERCEPTION of you, which is about her and Not you.

I said ^^ "simply be...", not b/c it's easy - but b'c it's Not always that complex.

In this post are some examples of you NOT being detached from her or the outcome of interactions with her, which is key to Detachment.

[color:#009900]On one hand I should be aware of "important informations" and on the other hand I should not bother about her moods. How can I know what is important and what not? I am confused about that. I never know what she is doing next. I always expect some weird "move". How can I become peaceful and confident, while there could happen anything?

(SO is GAL and I need to hear a whole lot more about your GAL, btw, and a lot less about her perceptions or words or feelings OR your perceptions of those...)

My GAL so far:
Counselling
Once a week I go to the movies
Started songwriting again
Started playing guitar again
Reading selfhelp books
Sit in Cafes, while reading
Try to get more contact to old friends and relatives
New haircut
Wear nice clothes and bought new after-shave
Beekeeping – course (honey harvest soon)

My 180's
Do not interupt her
Do not finish her sentences
Make decisions
Don't do the whole job of the divorce (just move out, sign any paper she gives me, give her as much money as I can). That would have been me, following my old patterns.
Be firm as a father
Apply for a fulltime position
Do not accept disrespect (man up)

Do Not monitor for results so often or so soon! (And Do Not take the temperature of the R, even if you are only doing so internally--Not helpful to you)

Your patience level must increase 10 fold...literally. Just be the best YOU that you can be, and let the cards fall where they will.

STOP looking over your shoulder to see if she noticed OR if she might be "warmer" or looking at you differently. OR wanting to throw in the towel b/c last week she made eye contact and this week she said she is angry at you...

get off the roller coaster.

Again, as I have mentioned above: On one hand I should be aware of her "important informations" and on the other hand I should not bother about her moods. How can I know what is important and what not? I am confused about that.

Regarding detachment: I have difficulties to imagine detachment "in action". I have the impression, that I am running out of time. Do I really need to let this marriage go, in order to (probably) save it?

So far part I.