WAH with one foot out the door and one in.

[V2pt0]

Thanks Matt and Zues,

Not as much damage control needed. I don't think. I verbally apologized this morning when he woke up and said I should not have engaged in conversation last night as it has been emotional week. That because of emotions running high that it caused me to say some stuff that was irrational and hurtful. Surprisingly, H actually engaged in conversation and asked questions and affirmed some of the stuff I said last night as valid points. We were both much softer and compassionate in our conversation today. These are some of the comments he made:

**H actually said that he has never stopped trying to work on our M and is still trying now but that it hard trying to figure out how to work through it all. H said that is why he is still here. H said he would have already left if he truly was done trying. I said this was nice to hear because I was under the impression he had all but given up.

**H basically said he wants to try and figure us out but he is afraid of trusting me and he knows I feel the same with him. I validated this and said I understand why you would be afraid to trust me with so much hurt and anger.

**He is afraid of taking risk to fully jump to reconciliation with no guarantees it will work. I validated this and said I felt the same, but that the only way forward is a bit of a gamble and leap of faith in each other.

**He also seemed to imply that he does not even know where to start to get to the other side of this but that he has an interest. I agreed that it is overwhelming and that neither of us are patient people and we need to be ok with the fact that this will take time and not happen quickly but if we worked together instead of as individuals that we could get there.

**H agreed or acknowledged that a great of what gets said by both of us is out of hurt and he knows it is hard on both of us and that we are both trying to work through the best we know how.

I know we are not supposed to be having R talks, but this is the most vulnerable and open that H and I have been in many, many years and I think we both feel good that some of what we have both been holding in is coming out. The fact that he is actually take time to reflect on our conversations and sharing his thoughts and feelings seems to be good thing. He is not as closed off as I thought.