Bob, I want to tell you this hurts so very much, we all understand what this pain feels like. We are all here for the same reason...to heal from the hurt.
I am proud to see how much you have been helping others out, trying to inspire them to look at their situations and grow. It is the biggest reason I returned After reading some posts here in December. It seemed like there were so many good people in bad spots looking to get help and genuinely help each other. You fit that mold to a tee. Thank you for that.
Now, it is time to really start focusing on bob and not your marriage or wife. I will not pretend to know what thoughts are running around in your head right now, but I will tell you this...it took me almost three years if being oblivious, denying reality, lying to myself, burying my head, getting defensive about everything before I realized something pretty awesome. I got to these boards and my biggest fear was that my wife held all the cards. She could leave in a heartbeat and take my kids, house, dog, retirement...at a whim. That I had no power to change or stop this.
I WAS WRONG. yes, she could leave. But I control me. I may lose my house, but I will find someplace to live that suits me just fine. She may decide that she wants to split me from my kids...she won't get them all the time. And when she has them, I will be able to do some things I've never had the chance to do before. She will split up our savings, yes...but is money all that, it is important, but she helped build that so it will be fair. There are no cards. We have a choice and a say in how things will unfold in the future.
What I am saying is that the fear of being alone or without the true love of my life should not run my life anymore. The loss of my companion will only open up more doors to a future. Do I want her to leave... NO. But I have to rebuild my life knowing that her presence in my life should not be the reason I am living. The presence of my children in my daily life should not be the reason for me living. What is the point of living your life for someone else if you are ultimately not happy. We lied to ourselves for years saying that we were happy with the way things were. I know now that was my brain lying to me. I was not happy. That is why I w as bitter and crabby, because I was not happy. Neither was my wife...clearly! That ultimately is why we grew apart in the first place. That is the ultimate reason why she stopped loving me. Years of needs not being met. I would bet that if you looked deep you would see the similarities.
Sorry for a he rambling. I could go on for quite a while, but I have to go for now. I want you to take a deep breath and start thinking deep about what it will take to make bob happy without 'my wife' in the answer. I hope you can start really focusing on you and I'm glad you went out last night...that was a big deal in my mind...but you should do these things with the goal of trying, really trying to have fun rather than just filling your time...there is a big difference.
Thank you again for all if your wonderful posting over the time you've been here. You are making a huge difference to us all!
