WAW Filed for Divorce Next Day Pt. 4 (Bob)

[Maybell]

Bob, it's tough while its raw but I promise it gets better.

[Huddy]

Bob

What's happening here! You sent me an inspirational message yesterday, which I have thought about and adapted to my own prospects, and now you're all down.

Re-read your post to me. It makes sense. I get it. We're all hurting, but on here I am getting so much good advice, I managed a night without sleeping tablets last night. Let's support each other through these rubbish periods.

Going out is tough. I went out last week with some friends for some beers. I enjoyed it, but also got down towards the end as people were pairing off at end of night. But it's my W who's missing out as well, as she is busy stressing out about how she is going to afford a move out.

Hang in there man.

[rd500]

Hi Bob. This is part of the roller coaster. You can do this. Live your life Bob. It's tough your right but what you can do is carry on improving who Bob iis and making Bob happy.

Chin up mate. Rd

[Sotto]

Bob, I think we cross posted this morning - sorry about that...

I'm sorry you're finding things tough right now. But you know what - you can do this! And you are doing so well. The small ups and big downs are all part of the process. It's a huge thing you (and we) are going through. It is painful, and it doesn't resolve itself quickly. And there are times you just feel like throwing in the towel.

But, a big thing I have learned is never to make any big decisions when I feel low, angry or emotional. The big decisions are saved for those sober and calm times. I also try to think very long term now - how will this sit with me in 2,3,5 years time - and I try and act in accordance with my values in the longer term.

I'm sure most of us have thought - I can't do this any more - but tomorrow is another day and likely your feelings will change. The more you can work on your own level of detachment, the better. Because that takes the edge off the pain and makes carrying on more possible. If we don't detach enough, we have so many ups and downs, we get to the point where we just want to 'move on.'

So, my advice is keep moving forwards, and keep working on those things that will help you in the months ahead. If last nights GAL didn't suit you, try another option and over time, you'll meet some lovely people and what is happening (or not) with your W will matter less.

Hope tomorrow is a better day - Take care (((Bob)))

[Zephyr]

Bob, I want to tell you this hurts so very much, we all understand what this pain feels like. We are all here for the same reason...to heal from the hurt.

I am proud to see how much you have been helping others out, trying to inspire them to look at their situations and grow. It is the biggest reason I returned After reading some posts here in December. It seemed like there were so many good people in bad spots looking to get help and genuinely help each other. You fit that mold to a tee. Thank you for that.

Now, it is time to really start focusing on bob and not your marriage or wife. I will not pretend to know what thoughts are running around in your head right now, but I will tell you this...it took me almost three years if being oblivious, denying reality, lying to myself, burying my head, getting defensive about everything before I realized something pretty awesome. I got to these boards and my biggest fear was that my wife held all the cards. She could leave in a heartbeat and take my kids, house, dog, retirement...at a whim. That I had no power to change or stop this.

I WAS WRONG. yes, she could leave. But I control me. I may lose my house, but I will find someplace to live that suits me just fine. She may decide that she wants to split me from my kids...she won't get them all the time. And when she has them, I will be able to do some things I've never had the chance to do before. She will split up our savings, yes...but is money all that, it is important, but she helped build that so it will be fair. There are no cards. We have a choice and a say in how things will unfold in the future.

What I am saying is that the fear of being alone or without the true love of my life should not run my life anymore. The loss of my companion will only open up more doors to a future. Do I want her to leave... NO. But I have to rebuild my life knowing that her presence in my life should not be the reason I am living. The presence of my children in my daily life should not be the reason for me living. What is the point of living your life for someone else if you are ultimately not happy. We lied to ourselves for years saying that we were happy with the way things were. I know now that was my brain lying to me. I was not happy. That is why I w as bitter and crabby, because I was not happy. Neither was my wife...clearly! That ultimately is why we grew apart in the first place. That is the ultimate reason why she stopped loving me. Years of needs not being met. I would bet that if you looked deep you would see the similarities.

Sorry for a he rambling. I could go on for quite a while, but I have to go for now. I want you to take a deep breath and start thinking deep about what it will take to make bob happy without 'my wife' in the answer. I hope you can start really focusing on you and I'm glad you went out last night...that was a big deal in my mind...but you should do these things with the goal of trying, really trying to have fun rather than just filling your time...there is a big difference.

Thank you again for all if your wonderful posting over the time you've been here. You are making a huge difference to us all!

[TenBook]

Yes you can do this Bob. Look at all the responses, look at all the support.

Endure and grow strong.

[HeavyD]

You can do this Bob. I have faith in you and I have never even met you. You strike me a kind honest dependable and above all loving. Those are all great qualities to possess.

This hurts so bad and especially to be blindsided. There are no words I can offer that have not been said before that I can offer.

Please know they I am thinking about you praying for yiu and your wife. I am so. very sorry you are hurting like this.

I am glad you did the Meet Up. Keep they going and it will get easier as time passes.

Hang tough Bob - I am with you. You are a good man who found himself in a hard place. I am with you in spirit.

Don't give into despair although it is normal for time to time . I am having a bout of despair too this weekend. I will grin and bear it with you.

Love - Heavy

[Bob723]

I CANNOT do this anymore.

Me

What can't you do anymore?

There is a lot of life left to live.

Your wife left because she is hurting, like a wounded animal, she has gone off to try to heal herself.

Hi Cadet,

Good question. I knew someone would ask after I posted that and logged off. I shouldn't have been so vauge. I apologize to all of you. I hope it didn't scare you.

I had just gotten home before I posted, and as I mentioed I felt depressed. The main reason, I think (not 100% sure myself) was what Toots mentioned, "I know what you mean about couples, I find it painful to watch people sometimes." Having a few beers I know didn't help either. I don't have a drinking problem and basically decided to quit once my W left because I know alcohol is a depressant. I think another hurtful thing was a band (very good!) played a U2 song (One) that both my W and I love! I should've stepped out of the bar for a few minutes. But, that was when one of the ladies asked me if I would like to dance, so I decided to.

Last night, I felt like I can't go out to any more Meetup events. Sleeping on it and seeing all the supportive, loving and caring posts since that one made me realize I just won't go to any more Meetup group events at bars.

Last Saturday, I went to my first Meetup with another group and had a real good time. It was a tour of a H-U-G-E mansion that is in the National Registry of Historic Places and I met some warm, friendly people.

Tonight, I am going to a dinner with yet another new group. They sound like fun.

A male friend, whom I've met thru the Divorce Support Group, invited me to last night's event. I am not actually a member and don't plan on joining them. Not the right fit for me, or my friend.

Thanks to all your loving posts, I am smiling again. My glass is once again half-full as it is most of the time!

Bob

[Bob723]

I am truly touched by all you wrote it in particular what I quoted above. you brought a gigantic smile to my face. As RD wrote, it is all part of the emotional roller coaster.

Z, what would I do without you and the other loving folks out there. As others have said I really wish we could meet each other somehow someday.

BTW, you were not rambling at all. LOL. I can read and reread your post in it all makes sense to me.

Please see my previous post above to cadet which explains how I was feeling last night or how I got to that point.

Love to you Heavy and hang in there!!

Bob

[Bob723]

Bob

What's happening here! You sent me an inspirational message yesterday, which I have thought about and adapted to my own prospects, and now you're all down.

Hello Huddy,

I can understand why you were so confused by my post last night!

You brought such a smile to my face.

Would you mind reading my post to Cadet a few posts above? I explain how I was feeling last night or how I got to that point.

I'll even re-read my advice to you.

Thank you so much.

Bob