WAH with one foot out the door and one in.

[Zues126]

OK, I normally don't do verbatim pastes from email exchanges but this was from 6 months ago and I'm skeptical it will come up, nor do I truly even care at some point.

This is an email I sent after a heated conversation with my WAS. We had argued about children, money, and the divorce. I was really frustrated due to MONTHS of not speaking my mind, and her running me down with some crazy talk. When she started telling me that "me having the kids at my place overnight would be disruptive to their schedule" I remember replying that "DIVORCE was disruptive to their schedule yet she made that choice, she's not going to prevent me from spending time with my family". So yeah, pretty worked up.

What I did afterwards is send her an email with a recap of the points SHE had been trying to make. I wanted to let her know I had at least heard her, and re-frame the conversation as not such a negative.

Whether or not it was effective as damage control I don't know, but I felt better having sent it.


EMAIL

That was obviously a difficult conversation for both of us. We have never had the best communication and conflict resolution skills, this is a heck of a situation to try to work on them. Children, finances, legal process. Could it get much scarier? Although I regret allowing myself to get as emotional as I did, I do see it as a sign that things are going better that I still feel mutual goodwill has been preserved.

It couldn't have felt that I was even hearing what you said, so I want to let you know the points I remember you making:

********RECAP OF WHAT SHE WAS SAYING*******

If I left something out or misunderstood please let me know. I want to continue to do better as coparents than we did as a couple. Now that I've had a chance to paraphrase your words and look at them objectively I really agree with pretty much everything you're saying.


(PS I was able to say I agreed with everything because it was mostly vague...i.e. we should try to minimize the impact of the D on the kids...I agree with that! Doesn't mean I won't be spending my time with them, but I do agree with the idea...so I was able to paraphrase and agree with much of what she said.)