Have you thought about removing yourself from the friend zone? You seem to be a good friend to your W. Yes you don't reply to some texts and don't answer some calls but from what I can read here you're overly friendly.
A WAW in an active A is not going to be attracted to an H that knows she is engaging with OM and still playing house.
Who is the man she was attracted to? Let her miss you. Let her wonder what you're doing. She may act out more as a result of this initially but I think you need some boundaries. Does W need to be calling you just to chat on non financial or kid related issues? Do you want to be her best friend or her husband?
