The Dance of Pursuit and Distance (new)

[Cadet]

For anyone else reading here I really dont think you need to buy the book.
Read this thread and it has all you really need to know.

I recently had a conversation with the author of the book and he wrote this to me,
so I thought I would add this to the thread as good to know stuff.
Maybe I will add more in the future.

We are born, in my experience, either a pursuer or distancer. environment merely moderates the severity but does not change what we are. Pursuers and distancers change around different people and events. However, around your primary relationships our true self comes out since this is what we seek most intensely and intimately. You can see this when you track people in different relationships. They end up with the same patterns and same people, just in different skin.

and also this

Pursuers, like myself, have a difficult time distancing. we are made for relationships, connections. Not to pursue forces us to deal with our own incompleteness and emptiness, or fill it in with other things or people. Pursuers, and distancers, are on a scale of 1-10, Ten being the most severe. Pursuers in the 7-10 range have the most issues and the most extreme loneliness/emptiness, thus the need to fill it in. We run from ourselves but never quite escape. I am probably about an 8, so I know of what I speak.

He also says that we need to change our core selves to stop being pursurers,
easier said than done.