Skhdive, I feel the same way. I just hear that H will be at the house tomorrow and panic strikes on me. Well, I decide not even be in a house tomorrow, it's better for me and now it's about me feeling better. Right?
Besides, I love rain and we are having London feeling this whole week, by Monday we will probably be singing like frogs. It's gorgeous, love this dark skies, rain all the time, love it a lot. Makes me feel stronger and really good.
Toots my sister in heart - I know you are right too. My mom even said that he is all over the place, that he has shame now more then before, that he does not say things in a constant mode, he is abstract, not much to say anymore.
She also mention that towards the end of his visit, he said he was leaving and stood up, my mom was ready to stand up from her chair and then he kneed beside her, hugged her and put his head against her body, and said "Oh, Ju what I am doing with my life?"
My mom said that she put a hand over his head and told him to give some time to himself and think about things, think about what he really wants and weight what he needs.
So, as you said I do not have any control over what he does, is doing or will decide, I just need to detach and let him go. It's just very hard to do.
Bob, thanks for the X on my cheek, really need that today. That's one thing I am changing. I am allowing people to love me and show that love. I am not saying a man's love right now, I am not ready for that kind of love. But I am allowing human love, and let people get close to me like never before.
Brasilians are touching, hugging people, body is a big part of showing affection for us. But growing up I created some defense mechanisms that I just realized now, treating myself, that were there to protect myself against any other wound. I am learning how to be a loving person again. And I like it.
DETACH, DETACH, DETACH, LET GO... LET GO... LET GO.........
Need to write a song with these words, so I can sing it all the time.
Thanks for giving me such support and help, you guys are awesome.
By the way. Went to a professional salon and had my hair done. some dark and light brown w/tons of red and very, very little light brown highlights. Everyone says I look incredible, that I look 10years younger. Yesterday a Rep came over my office and said that he needs to visit more frequent because I look astonishing. Wow, that was something good for my Ego. He is a very handsome man himself.
