Lucy - Its nice to read such a positive post. Your eyes are definitely pointed in the right direction. Keep on keeping on!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you mahhhty!!!!!! . I'm trying so hard! I have my difficult moments, and my meltdowns, just like everyone else I'm sure, but keeping faith, and keeping positive has been a huge focus for me.
Tuesday the 5th was our 14 year wedding anniversary, and it was a very hard day for me. No matter what I did, I couldn't focus, so I gave myself permission to grieve. By the afternoon, I was up, a bit more focused, and back on the treadmill working on me.
I am not going to contact him now, he knows what was in that letter, so I'm going to wait for him to contact me, then go from there.
M: 47 / H: 52 No children. Own a business together. Told me he wanted a divorce: 3/31 Moved out: 4/7 Confirmed OW: 4/16 Took divorce off the table: 4/24
The Solo Partner is a great book that talks about the Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic. The only way to get to a Distancer is by turning the table. Make the Distancer become the Pursuer by the Pursuer becoming the Distancer.
Keep on Keeping On! It sure seems you are going the right way. Have a great weekend!
Last edited by mahhhty; 05/08/1502:56 PM.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Sorry about that Cadet. Thank you for merging the posts.
M: 47 / H: 52 No children. Own a business together. Told me he wanted a divorce: 3/31 Moved out: 4/7 Confirmed OW: 4/16 Took divorce off the table: 4/24
mahhhty, thank you for the book suggestion, I just ordered it! I've been reading a whole bunch of books, and it's nice to get referrals for ones with helpful info in them.
M: 47 / H: 52 No children. Own a business together. Told me he wanted a divorce: 3/31 Moved out: 4/7 Confirmed OW: 4/16 Took divorce off the table: 4/24
I have a question that I could use some help with. My H is supposed to be coming over in the next week to pick up our second lawn mower to use at the restaurant. I'm not sure what to do, should I be here, communicate with him, act positive and complimentary, leave to meet friends??? I'm fine with him being here without me, I trust he will not harm anything here, or take more than he is supposed to take.
I have been working really hard to be positive with him, friendly, complimenting. But he is still with her, and I am realizing this is in fact, and addiction for him. She is not a nice person, and not someone he would normally be drawn to, but he's not thinking logically right now I guess. I have been communicating with him positively, and kindly for 3 weeks now. I think he still cares a great deal for me, and enjoys my communication with him, but I think his addiction to her is preventing him from leaving her.
I had plans to detach from him last week, but he contacted me for a couple restaurant business favors, and then my DB coach had me send out the letter to him after some positive communication.
The letter generated a very positive reaction, I felt, it was the first time he'd picked up the phone to call me since he left, and he was very friendly. But part of me still believes his addiction to her is in full swing, and preventing him from leaving her. I believe he knows he needs to, he told members of our staff that he was going to, because she's an alcoholic, but something is keeping him from following through.
At this point, I wonder if I should take communication from him, if I should say anything to him, or what I should do? I feel I definitely need to detach now, especially after the letter was well received. I know he cares for me, but I feel his addiction is keeping him tied to both me and her.
Thoughts please, I could really use the advice, I'm very confused right now. I feel like we are right on the cusp of change, and I just don't feel like me continuing to stroke his ego will do the job if he is truly addicted to her. He can't have both.
M: 47 / H: 52 No children. Own a business together. Told me he wanted a divorce: 3/31 Moved out: 4/7 Confirmed OW: 4/16 Took divorce off the table: 4/24
I feel I definitely need to detach now, especially after the letter was well received. I know he cares for me, but I feel his addiction is keeping him tied to both me and her.
Hello Lucy,
I understand being confused, believe me! If you feel like you need to detach now, I think you already know the answer. I don't think you should be there.
Vet's, what do you think?
Good luck, I widh you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
The Solo Partner is a great book that talks about the Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic. The only way to get to a Distancer is by turning the table. Make the Distancer become the Pursuer by the Pursuer becoming the Distancer.
Keep on Keeping On! It sure seems you are going the right way. Have a great weekend!
I really don't think you need to buy this book.
Read the pursuit and distance thread instead and really study what is in there.
M: 47 / H: 52 No children. Own a business together. Told me he wanted a divorce: 3/31 Moved out: 4/7 Confirmed OW: 4/16 Took divorce off the table: 4/24
. I'm trying so hard! I have my difficult moments, and my meltdowns, just like everyone else I'm sure, but keeping faith, and keeping positive has been a huge focus for me.