Thanks for your kind words Bob and Skhdive... I said it before and I am very convinced that we are the good people. We have high values and we stick to what makes life clean and healthy.
I am very independent since a young girl, but I miss my pillar. H was the one there, I knew if I was feeling weak, uncertain, insecure, I could always lay my head on his shoulder and cry my doubts, he would encourage me to move forward.
Now, I have a H that wants a D, is in a R with OW, and still cares for me, is nice to me, comes around and is like a dog around me. Gives me flowers, attention, all this in his own time. When he wants, he comes around and do all this.
WHY? Because he is crazy, insane, has no sense of respect for me lately, is selfish, feels guilty. He does not care about me, he just care about himself and that's why he does all this.
H visited my mom last Sunday, he told my mom that he loves me with all his heart and this will never change, but he can't see us together anymore and that he won't stop the D. He said that we just don't belong together anymore.
He told my mom that his R with this OW is not going well, that things are more complicated then everyone thinks. That his life is not easy and this D is very hard for him.
My mom asked if he ever think that this will all teach us a lesson and make us better people to each other and he said that he does not think I will ever change, that I did not love him before and won't love him ever. That I changed three times already and now he sees that I am getting farther away from him and realizing he is not the right person for me.
Oh dear God, I just don't know what to do anymore besides the fact that I need to go the darkest I can be and disappear from his life. I need to DETACH... I need to LET GO... and this is all so hard, so hurtful.
I think I am now realizing that we are separated for 6months and there is not a single sign that he will ever even consider we could work in our M. My marriage is dead, I get it. But now my hope is dying too.
I feel so alone. I have my boys, my family, my friends. They are all so good to me. I have you guys, and yet I feel alone at times, it hurts. Finally the pain is getting to me, the betrayal, disappointment, humiliation, sadness, it is all hitting me hard now.
I know who I am, that's the way I detach, I need to face it all straight and digest it with a lot of pain and then let go for good. I will do it, I just need to keep telling myself it's done.
Thanks, I will start going to other people pages soon and try to help others, this will make me feel better.
