Thanks hopeful. I really appreciate the insight. I am working with a coach who has said the same thing. It said that typically when a spouse drops the bomb and says they are done but then takes no action it means that they are really unsure as to whether or not they are truly done.
He says that the key in this situation is stay the course because she needs to see consistent change over a long enough period of time in order to believe that the changes are genuine, real and permanent.
I truly am out of my depression. Trust me, I know the difference. I have so much clarity but my sudden clarity and my "epiphany" doesn't mean that she is just going to jump back into my arms. She doesn't love me anymore. But I keep telling myself she doesn't love the depressed and unavailable me. But the real me. She likes that guy a whole lot and loves him very much.
So my 180s were obvious to me: Get your head out of your butt and start acting like the person she loves. And do so without asking her if she is noticing, without asking her if her mind is changing, without asking her if there is a chance. No pressuring her or pursuing any R talk.
Just act and let her process it all on her own timeline and in her own way.
As a side note, I do have a slight concern there may be something going on between a friend of hers and her. But, this was something that, before my awakening, I asked her about three times and every time she said that there was nothing going on beyond a friendship. My coach, despite some shady things I have seen (he is blocking me from seeing his friendship with her on Face Book) still believes that she is being honest and it is only a friendship.
However, I realize that although I am having anxiety about this that my actions do not have to reflect my feelings. These last two weeks I have not mentioned this to her at all and am acting "as if" I have no suspicion.
Regardless of what may be occurring (and maybe it is only a friendship and I'm blocked because she just got tired of me asking about it and having to repeat herself that he's only a friend) I need to stay focused on being 100% consistent in my actions.
I'm seeing some movement and I will not do anything to derail that.
I hope you are right in your assessment. I hope that she really is unsure and is giving me a chance to win her back and to see my changes are real and permanent. I would say that her actions are telling me that is what is happening. I also realize that it is going to take time for her to trust me.
My overall goal (and I know it may take longer) is to be reconciling in time to celebrate our wedding anniversary: Which is at the end of September. Fingers crossed
