Sorry you have to be here, but you are among friends who want to help. 2 A's in that short of a time must be very difficult to deal with, I can only imagine what you are feeling.
The only value snooping really has is to protect your finances or children(if you had any). Other than that it just causes you more pain and hurt over time, and keeps you from detaching.
If you see something good you gain expectations, if you see something bad it hurts you. Many times what we see doesn't even represent the whole story, and we are biased in our views of seeing what we want to see.
Another point to make is she may even be leaving things around so see if you do snoop, just to check how emotionally attached you still are. More distance/pursuit behavior.
It has not been fun to deal with, I'll tell you that. Very stressful and just plain exhausting. Like most, some days I wonder why I let myself be put through it.
No children and separate finances for the most part, so really no reason to be snooping.
You're exactly right in everything you said. Gaining expectations from the good (or lack of bad) and getting hurt and really frickn' frustrated from the bad.
Just all around not good healthy behavior. I'm going to really try to stop.
Thanks Fogg, I appreciate it.
Fun weekend planned with my parents this weekend though! Going kayaking, fishing, movies and who knows what else. I only get to see them about twice a year so this will hopefully be a really good weekend for me (and possibly help me with my GAL if I enjoy the kayaking and fishing spots we check out!).
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
W just texted me "I have to go check out some apartments this evening. Would you be ok if came home a little late?" I said Yep, no problem.
It's hard to think about when she's been so nice this past week... but I know those are just the games she's playing. I need to stick to my guns and get her outta here.
I think it's for the best. I hope it's for the best...
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
We went to couples counseling the Friday after I found out about the A and W said she wanted a D. It didn't go great. She didn't like the guy, etc etc.
Well, at the end of the session she agreed to go again, which is this Friday. Should I cancel this as it's just going to bring up D some more and make us talk about the R?
I can see how some of what might come out during the session might be seen as pursuing and I don't want that.
Should we steer clear of couples counseling during all of this?
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
IMO, counseling doesn't serve anything positive as long as she has another man in her head. My suggestion is do a 180 from the last time, and cancel the appointment. If she should act surprised or asks why, just tell her you changed your mind about going. Then that will probably pike her curiosity and will want to know if you still want to save the M. I would give vague answers, b/c if you start with that speech about not wanting a D, she will quickly lose any interest in you.
The only way to attract a WW is to become a great guy who is uninterested in her....and unavailable for her. Remember the dance of distance and pursuing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just canceled it. I think you're right. This will be a 180 for me to not fight for the marriage and want to go to counseling. We'll see how she reacts...
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Thanks, Cadet. Even though I do want her out of the house, her talking about actually leaving is hitting me pretty hard. Like it's just one step closer to the big D.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
Thanks, Cadet. Even though I do want her out of the house, her talking about actually leaving is hitting me pretty hard. Like it's just one step closer to the big D.
Yea - I understand - Perfectly natural feeling.
I will say this about D. It is just a legal piece of paper. You can always re-marry her.
Divorce is the ultimate boundary and sometimes it takes that in order for people on both sides to see more clearly.
