It does sound like you had a busy day, I did too and haven't been on the board much. I also find it interesting how much your X laughs at your jokes. To protect yourself emotionally, at this point please try not to read too much into it.
All things considered, i'm happy for you because it sounds like you had a good day.
As busy as you were you took time to swing by my thread, you are an amazing dude!
Good night.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I wish I could show you all pictures of where I was yesterday and the day before. It was an absolutely gorgeous run under two covered bridges in a super tight gorged in river. It was beautiful.
After a lot of thinking about the stuff that bothered me. I will do my part and hope that she does hers.
I will give her the tax paper work, write her a check, and give her the medical records (her stuff). For the coffee break, for the furniture, for the w/d, for the misc stuff... I will clean the basement and allocate a corner for her [censored].
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
You're welcome! And I wish we could see the pictures, too.
Just stopping by briefly to see if anything big has come up with you.
And, guess what? You'll love this. I had to start a new thread today - Part 4. LOL
Hang in there my friend.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I need to vent a little. Probably being slightly petty. Just slightly frustrated, which just shows how detached I am not. Tomorrow is the off Friday where she is supposed to pick up the kids.
W Text 1: Hey! My mom is watching the kids for a few hours tomorrow morning, so can you drop them there? She is going to take them to get haircuts, so if you could drop them by 8:30. They both desperately need them!
W Text 2: Also, just a reminder that next week is my London trip. I am going to keep them home Monday during the day (taking the red eye that night). Were you planning on taking them those extra days? I don't think we ever firmed up that plan.
My Response: I will bring them to your Mom's. I will be sending the kids with checks for Child Support, for taxes along with your copy of tax paperwork, and recent mail. I received those dates via text and assumed I would pick them up from daycare. Please send me the updated calendar.
Perhaps I very petty, but it is the day before, the schedule is not finalized, and I am left to try and pick up the pieces. Which I don't mind doing, but we are D'ed. Therefore, I shouldn't have to. These should be business transactions and therefore I should have the courtesy of time and respect. If the roles were reversed I'd imagine she would have a huge problem dropping them off with my parents (as she hasn't spoken or reached out to them in... well... ever).
This isn't going to ruin my day by any means, just a Debbie Downer.
Feel free to call me out if I'm being stupid!!! I'm here to learn, and I can handle the abuse!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
"Perhaps I very petty, but it is the day before, the schedule is not finalized, and I am left to try and pick up the pieces. Which I don't mind doing, but we are D'ed. Therefore, I shouldn't have to. These should be business transactions and therefore I should have the courtesy of time and respect. If the roles were reversed I'd imagine she would have a huge problem dropping them off with my parents (as she hasn't spoken or reached out to them in... well... ever)."
Not going to say you're wrong for feeling the way you do. What I will say is there are a lot of "should" and "shouldn't" in there which leads me to believe you have some expectations and we all know with expectations come disappointment.
When you find that "detachment dust" can you sprinkle some my way!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Lost... Isn't that the truth! There is a ton of shoulds in there. Detach Detach Detach! Thank you!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
She sent me the schedule last night. The email was fairly pleasant. I didn't respond. I sent the paperwork with the kids as promised.
This AM I dropped the kids off at Daycare (her parents) and her Dad were home (he has every other Friday off). This was the first time that we have really talked in months. He opened the door to a deeper conversation with a generic "How are you really doing?" I choose not to step into it fully, and responded with an upbeat "Good." And explained how much I have been paddling, working out, and working, without going into much detail. We proceeded to talk for about 35 minutes just him and I outside. Upon leaving we shook hands. Then he told me one last thing about him switching Country Clubs, from the Uppity Up Club to a more reasonably priced club, so he could golf with me and the other son in law more. I thought that was interesting. In his mind, I am still lumped into a group with the other son in law.
In general, I know I have made a lot of strides, but I have a long way to go. Detach! Detach! Detach!
Sooo... No kids and a weekend. What does Mahhhty do? He gets the [censored] out of Dodge. I'm heading to the mountains for 2.5 days of tranquility, serenity, sun and whitewater. I'll post again Sunday Night or Monday.
Last edited by mahhhty; 05/08/1502:37 PM.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Last note... Mother's Day. I made a card with the kids and they signed it. Then we made an art project on canvas with their hand prints, and we cut all the good flowers in our garden and put it all in a nice bag for her. Nothing from me. All from the kids for the kids! She is a wonderful mother, and I would want nothing more than to celebrate with her. But that is no longer my role. I will always support/reinforce the kid's relationship with her, and I believe I did that.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Last note... Mother's Day. I made a card with the kids and they signed it. Then we made an art project on canvas with their hand prints, and we cut all the good flowers in our garden and put it all in a nice bag for her. Nothing from me. All from the kids for the kids! She is a wonderful mother, and I would want nothing more than to celebrate with her. But that is no longer my role. I will always support/reinforce the kid's relationship with her, and I believe I did that.
Hello Mahhhty,
You handled this perfectly. As for venting yesterday, I can understand why you were upset. I do think lost18 hit the nail on the head.
Now, this my seem a little odd at first, but I have been doing this for about 1 week and it seems to be helping me. It's one of those "daily affirmations" that you say outloud to yourself.
Here it is: In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect whole and complete. I now choose calmly and objectively to see my old patterns and I am willing to make changes. I choose to have fun doing this. I choose to react is though I have found a treasure when I discover something else to release. I see in feel myself changing moment by moment. Thoughts no longer have any power over me. I am the power in the world. I choose to be free. All is well in my world.
Hope this helps. Have fun this weekend!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
