Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[Dawn70]

Edz, your recent posts make me my heart smile. I am so terribly excited for you that I can't hardly contain myself. I know you are being cautious and that makes it even better. You are focusing on you and that is so important. Sending positive thoughts and prayers, my friend!

[edz]

Thanks Dawn

Caution, yup, thats a watchword. That and patience.

W has jitters as I mentioned so I just stay focussed on the long term. As I mentioned she's floated Christmas as a timescale, I'd love that for it all to be moved on and us settled but wont set it in stone as theres a long road to get there and I can only walk part of the way, w must come along as well.

She has her concerns, on me (will I revert - I show no signs at all of stress, depression or changing back and have actively grown further in the time she's been watching) on us (does she want to give up 'freedom' and space for the marriage again - will it be confining again in terms of suffocation?), s what are the impacts on him - he wants us together but what if it doesnt work? And, of course, MIL and what happens when she finds out.

The latter could happen any day given we have "chatty" neighbours who see FIL often and s has been with us, wouldnt take a big slip "mummy and daddy and I went..." for it to be seen. I think w is relaxing on this since she didnt have to say I could stay (here no one knows her car etc or MIL so there was no worry) or could have insisted I put the car elsewhere and walk back before having more wine or not had family days where we held hands..but she hasnt...and I greatly, greatly admire what that took of her.

We shall, as I say, see. Im just keeping on keeping on

All the positive vibes from everyone are very much appreciated

[rd500]

Hi Edz. A quick post , thinking of you everyday mate. You will get there. You know the mantra at this stage


Take care. Rd

[jim0987]

They're using a swimming pool as a polling station??? Did the Dorset election people think it was a typo?

I got nothing to add that's constructive though. All good mate, all good.....

[edz]

I did double take when I heard but I think its just easier for them to close than have some bits open or they gave me duff info! Either way s is off to the party with w anyhoo and I'm having a chill out

[Vanilla]

Which party is S supporting?, poll joke in poor taste.

Honestly I have visions of wet ballot papers.

V

[edz]

Morning all
Ha V, the ps3 players party if it existed probably!

Well just back after being around w's all night watching the election results. W and s popped by unannounced last night about half past nine to catch the end of a political show.

W, S and I watched the results until eleven or so but s was getting fractious and tired and w said she needed to be able to go to bed. Although they could have stayed of course w said she wanted her own bed (I think read space). S wanted to stay but I knew not to push w so convinced him to go back to the flat as he will be with me friday night.

W then proposed a compromise that I come back to the flat and can crash on the couch again so we did. Around 12 s was falling asleep on the floor so got him to bed and tucked in, w managed until 3 but then went to bed I stayed up.

This morning w brought me back to the house (after sneaking me out of the house) one of the big issues w had losing respect for me was me being wet lettuce like so I did say will there be a time she's not sneaking me out? She laughed and said its ridiculous shes worrying, she said she shouldnt care what MIl thinks. Said I wasnt going to tell her what she should do as that would start us off on the wrong foot in a new R but can she see thats exactly what she is doing right now? Still proceeding with what MIL wants and will be happy with hiding the rest? She said yes, she does it's left with her to proceed with and I will help as much or as little as she asks, we had 15 minutes or so to talk. She said shed had a wobble last few days purely around being worried about being suffocated again, not now, no sign of me doing that but that it may happen. I validated, I said I knew how hard this is for her to go forward with and that I was so happy she came forward to me on Monday not just because of our contact but also that I knew that was difficult for her and she did it.

As to her fears I cant offer any proof bar what I am doing now, I do not want that relationship again, it was bad for all of us not just w and I want us to have a wider circle of individual and joint friends but I cant prove that until we are in a position for me to show with actions. W agrees with this. I've said I will not push at her or crowd her, when she's ready to move forward she can talk with me.

She has today and after dropping s off this afternoon tonight to think, chill or just unwind and then we can, if she wants, talk over coffee tomorrow morning when s is at the maths tutors. We're planning some time together tomorrow, w is picking up an order and I was getting my ring resized did offer to hold off on that if it felt pressuring but no she's happy for us to take it in.

A small hug and I left her to get back to the flat and I went to the house to get onto calls.

So a bit forward, a little frustrating in feeling distanced last night with w on the other side of the room showing defensive body language and then confirming this in a chat and a bit of opening up in the car this morning.

A mixed bag but all moving forward.

And no not talking on politics here

Finishing off some calls and will grab a shower and shave (quick wash at w's but I like a full ablutions every day nowadays)

Catch you all later.

[Dawn70]

Sounds wonderful, Edz. Continuing to pray for you and send positive vibes your way every day. You are an inspiration, my friend!

[edz]

Hi Dawn.

Was feeling a bit flat this morning but I suspect thats also connected to being up.....oooo.....32 hours now

Also a bit of impatience that flared up when I was by myself wondering how on earth we move on but I soon had myself under control and at lunchtime decided to do something constructive.

To save on time this evening and have a break from a rather stressfull morning of technical issues went and got some food shopping and prepped a chilli for this evening. Smelling good now and when w drops s off may well tickle her nostrils (one of her favourites) she can always take some with her - she doesnt need to stay - main thing is I can just serve dinner a glass of wine chill with s and then crash out not long after he does.

So waiting for them to pop around and for work to finish today, lots of fiddly problems popping up today which isnt what my tired noggin needs.

Anyhoo apart from tired (and now hungry with the smell - last ate at 7pm last night) calm now.

Lets see what happens next

[rd500]

Hi. Edz your still on the roller coaster but the end is in sight. You will get there mate. Take care. Rd