WAH with one foot out the door and one in.

[Zues126]

It's not a linear progression. So the set back from last night feels discouraging, but you're not 'back at square one'.

Months 1-3 I made some progress, then was drawn back in when she started talking about this being a mistake, missing our M, me showing positive changes, etc...this lead to far and away the craziest 24 hours in my life. It was 9/5/15 if you feel like checking it out. On a detachment/attachment scale of 1-10 I started at a 9-10, ended at a 7-8, then jumped back to 10 for a moment.

Month 4-5. Much more detached, but still actively trying to think of what I could do to 'save' my M. Giving a lot of thought to how she perceived me, what she was doing, etc. Maybe I was a 6-7.

Now I am finishing month 10, and I'd say my level of attachment is around a 3-4. I still think of her daily (or at least the idea of her flashes through my brain in various contexts), I occasionally have a quick imaginary conversation with her, sometimes when we communicate about the kids I still feel a bit of distaste for the situation, and it's hard not to question things as we work on divorce paperwork. Oh, and as I learn more about myself I do reflect and think back to where I went wrong, how things played out. But overall I'd say I'm below the pain threshhold 95% of the time, and now it's just something I'm aware of.

I think as the D finalizes over the next 3-6 months, and then another 6-24 months goes by, I will be truly beyond the M. Like I said recently...like looking at pictures of a high school year book. A distant memory. I will be a different person, the memories of what I went through will be there but won't be tender, and I will be ready to start becoming a great H to someone. I know the idea of another two years would be scary to some, but remember years 2-3 are NOT like year 1. They are exciting, empowering, and feel like a total relief after a terrible M and a nightmarish BD.