Surrendering this battle to win the war.

[Zues126]

Nice.

Glad full custody is off the table for BOTH of you. It wouldn't be a win for either of you. It would be a tremendous loss for your children. They have been through and will go through enough.

Australia. Lawyer on phone told me that it would be a waste of my time claiming full custody unless I had evidence that she was neglecting the children in some way. Basically, the court isn't even going to waste time on making the decision until it is satisfied that a decision needs to be made. In other words - she can't file for full custody either

The grass may seem green right now, but the cowpats not far away!

True - possibly. It may be true love, meant to be. But I seriously doubt that for several reasons which are not really important for us DBers. What is important for me is the detachment (and serenity ) I've achieved in the past week.

There were several issues I was rolling into one. The roller coaster I had to jump off, my investment in the outcome (saving the M), I need(ed) her to need me (in the M and even now. This is something which was still hurting like a fresh wound. Now that I have identified where it is, I can dress the wound. It might be a gusher. But at least I can see it. )

All of these boil down to one realisation I have had that has made me feel so much better. And it is related to something else you said Z, "your IC said that people are not so much afraid of the events they expect to happen, but that they won't be able to handle them"

Well guess what, bring it on baby, you can't hurt me worse than what you already have - and I am past that, and smiling

Ha. That's funny. I have in the past OFTEN turned to the sky and asked "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!?!?" Yes, it's nice to identify where the pain is coming from. Instead of being some broken shell of a person, you can realize you're still the same successful and healthy person that is suffering for a good reason. Then you treat those wounds and do what you can to leave them alone, let them heal, and enjoy your life.

If you can do that now while the wounds are still fresh, trust that it only gets easier. I know it still stings to hear that because it's not what you really want, but that sting too will relax. It will go from electric fence to jelly fish to a static spark from touching a doorknob after walking across a shag carpet...occasional and minimal. Take care!