BW05, You came to visit over in the MLC forum, so I thought it best to cut and paste your posting on your thread here, in Newcomers:
"Wondering if anyone has advice on how to respond to MCLer still having affair when they said it was over? Also, H just didn't bother to come home last night. Assume with OW. Again, is there a recommended response?"
If your MLCer raises the topic again about the affair being over, then he should be more than willing to be transparent w/you about all of his activities, i.e., allowing you to check his/her phone for emails, texts, etc. This would also apply for the laptop/computer as well. The MLCer should be willing to share everything as to being late, where they are going and people they are meeting. Transparency is the key.
However, in your case, since he's been out all night, I would say he's not over her and the addiction to her is too great. Yes, he may have had an argument w/her or vice versa and they both thought it was over, but have made up. It takes them a long time to get through MLC and the affair is so addictive that they will go through withdrawal for a period of time before truly letting the affair die a natural death. Cadet is correct in stating that he most likely isn't even thinking about you...but about himself. They don't care about us and they say things that we want to hear. It's all about him and the mantra is "me, me, me". I'm sorry that he's still "out there", but he's definitely saying one thing and doing another.
If you attempt to put boundaries on him concerning the affair, it will push him even closer to the ow and like a teenager, will react opposite of what you would want to happen. The only person that you have control over is yourself.
If you aren't sure what to do at this time, do nothing. The affair has to die a slow, natural death. Yes, you would like the affair to end...but it will not end until one of them calls it quits. In the meantime, keep the focus on you and live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
