Not pursuing is one of my 180s that I am sticking to 100%
I am being very kind and courteous toward her and showing her a happy and confident me. She knows I love her and knows that I want to work things out, there is no reason for me to say it anymore because words only push her away.
Since she gave the reason for being finished was that during my stint of depression and anxiety she felt I abandoned her and the kids my 180s are showing her through actions that I am being myself again. I'm acting as I did in our R before the depression. Really focusing on the kids, speaking to them every day, spending as much time as my work schedule allows with them and actually doing things with them when I am with them. The days I'm at my house with them and she is not I've been helping her out without asking her or seeking credit for it: I'll vacuum, sweep, clean, dishes, mow the lawn. These are all things that I was always proactive in before my depression. So I am showing her through my actions that I am genuinely changing back to the real me: The loving and attentive husband and father she once new.
So far, it seems to be working so, I am going to stay the course with what I'm doing.
She probably thinks I'm crazy right now but like I said: She isn't saying a thing to tell me to stop trying and I'm seeing movement.
I'm "killing her with kindness" and with positive attitude and action.
"Be the change you wish to see" and hopefully she will eventually follow the lead.
My next short term indicator of success that I'm looking for is that she'll want to start doing things together as a family. The fact that she didn't leave the house for the two hours I was there yesterday is a good sign that I might be able to accomplish that next step over the next month or so.
It felt great yesterday while I was there because it was the first time she actually witnessed how different I was with the kids: Running around and wrestling and playing with them in the front yard for an hour with my full attention focused on them. I didn't even ask her if I could stay and help with bath and bed. I just did it. I set the tone. And when the kids were in bed I went downstairs and initiated a short conversation with her about a doctor's appointment my son had had yesterday morning. We spoke about that in a cordial and pleasant manner. When it was over I set the tone and said "OK. Well, have a nice night and I'll call the kids tomorrow. Goodnight." And I left.
It felt nice to sort of be in control of the situation. Just doing and acting without seeking her approval.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hoping that the changes I listed are signs that she is experiencing doubts about wanting to split.
