My marriage is starting to feel like a strange dream. This is undoubtedly due to the fact that I have completely eradicated her from my life. We don't talk, we don't text, I'm no longer Facebook friends with her, she no longer hangs out with our mutual friends. I've flushed even the smallest of her things from what was our living space. There is nothing here to show the space she once filled; there is nothing online to remind me of where she is now.
I still remember her, obviously, and I find myself thinking about her. But there's a strange kind of remove-- it's the kind of feeling you get when you wonder if a thing actually happened or if your memory is just playing tricks on you. In the memories I do clearly recall, she seems more like a phantom than a tangible person.
So when I find myself thinking that now she's out there, flirting with him at their workplace, commuting home with him, going places with him, having sex with him... there's an unreality to it that I'm glad of. It must be because I see none of the evidence that would make it real. I still remember the terrible way she treated me, and I am still unhappy that our love and marriage was destroyed, and I feel sorry for myself for these reasons, but I'm glad that actually thinking about her is wistful and strange rather than anything else. Thank you again to all those who urged me to defriend her.
