He didn't alienate me from my family. they are very toxic. It was my choice to become closer with his family and use them as a support system. His dad is the only father figure I've ever known and they've loved me more than any of my own fsmily ever has.
And maybe I am afraid of him. But that's not actually his doing I don't think. I know he would never physically hurt me. But I am deeply afraid of all confrontation. Not just him.
But my fear has affected us. For example. I had an accident and dented the car on the garage and tore off part of the siding. It cost less than $200 to fix the garage. But I was in a full on panic attack bc the last time I damaged a car (also a little ding on the minivan) he was beyond pissed at me for a while. So I texted him in a panic. Completely freaking out. And he called me... To give me the silent treatment. It was ridiculous.
He eventually got over it and it's not like he beat me over it but that fear was deep. It's not just him though. I mean to get all psychological its fear from my upbringing. It's a learned response.
So my logical mind hesitates to go in with guns blazing bc I know full well I have a history of seeing things through fear tinted glasses. We all know our interpretation of a situation isn't exactly the truth. I'd like to talk to him about this but I guess I'm not supposed to.
Me:35 H:35 M:12 yrs T:14 yrs D-7 S-5 D-2 (almost) ILYBNILWY 9/14 in limbo ever since
