new here.... burned out.

[Zues126]

Beautiful and touching post Maybell.

YBT, all of our voices are echoing the same thing, so please be strong, get the help you need and deserve.

I echo that you don't need to worry about the M right now. I think this is really important. I also, like two of the other posters, see a lot of myself in this man. And I am a different person than I was a year ago.

So I think we are all saying in our own way that the question of whether or not to stay married isn't actually the number one question right now. You simply can't answer that. There is no way you can stay married like THIS.

But if you were going to divorce him, what would you do? You'd separate yourself emotionally, tend to yourself, get the support you need to stand on your own two feet, and to be independent so you aren't subject to this type of control.

I think the magic of DBing is doing all of the same things, simply WITHOUT declaring your intentions for the future. It doesn't matter right now. Either way your road is the same.

Once you stop doing the same dance with your husband he will be forced to change. Our hope is that he sees the strong, beautiful, and mature woman you are and realizes he has to step up his game to avoid the biggest loss of his life. If not, you will be in a better place to make your decisions because you will be 1) ready to take care of yourself, 2) sure it's not a reaction to emotional distress, 3) more confident you did everything you could to give him every opportunity to step up as a man.