I am saddened by your post but it resonated with me, the part about "When we were a team we could do anything". My situation exactly, once the team fell apart, everything else did too.
When my WW told me that she wanted an open marriage to have sex with her circus freak, there was no amount of talking or communicating about it. Her mind was made up, she moved out and filed for D.
Anyway, I can't be my wife's friend either. I am too shattered by the massive betrayal. I too accepted 50% of the blame but that made 0 difference. Once their mind's are made up, they just don't change (it seems) and we are the controlling enemy.
I admire your determination to provide stability and a model to look up to as men to your sons. You should be very proud of that. One day, they will thank you for your efforts.
