new here.... burned out.

[Zues126]

I don't disagree with raliced's approach above or any of the comments about how your H has been a controlling jerk.

I do think there is more to this sitch than just telling him to get bent.

I missed the part where I advised telling him to get bent.

YBT - I am going to bow out here. In my opinion you need to stand up for yourself and work on saving yourself before focusing on saving the marriage. The situation you are living in is not normal or healthy.

Take care of yourself and your children.

Sorry Raliced, I can see how you would think I was directing that comment at you. I meant to agree with you that she doesn't need to beg for permission to get the help she needs. My comment about the complexity of the situation was referring to earlier posts from various people remarking that her H was an abusive jerk. While it's absolutely that he's acting that way I hope she can see what options she has to change herself and their relationship before she exits it as that's why she's on this site. But it's clear the status quo can't continue which is why I am strongly in favor detachment and professional involvement.