I don't disagree with raliced's approach above or any of the comments about how your H has been a controlling jerk.
I do think there is more to this sitch than just telling him to get bent.
I missed the part where I advised telling him to get bent.
YBT - I am going to bow out here. In my opinion you need to stand up for yourself and work on saving yourself before focusing on saving the marriage. The situation you are living in is not normal or healthy.
