Honestly, from what you wrote, you sound more like his prisoner than his wife.
You said you don't think he's a jerk deep down - but there is no evidence in your initial post that he was ever much better.
What kind of environment are your kids living in with you stressed out all the time rushing around to clean up his palace before he gets home so you won't get in trouble?
YBT - I respect you for coming here - it says tons of great things about your character. I respect you for trying to save your marriage. But your initial post is a cry for help if I ever heard one. You say he monitors your spending which indicates to me you do have a method by which to pay for things. If you really can't do that - pawn something. Please get yourself some support.
