new here.... burned out.

[GoRoPo]

Hi,

I WAS your husband, a few details here and there different but almost to a T. Very many similarities. I was supporting the whole family, and resented my wife (wrongly) for not having every little thing perfectly done the way I liked it. She was a solo parent, with me only tagging along occasionally (bitterly I might add). I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Hey, I was paying the bills and staying faithful, her job was to take care of the rest, right??

Then she dropped the bomb on me last May.

It was a living hell for her. Even so far as for me to turn her down when she wanted to make love. She obviously thought that I was completely out of love with her, and has said she thought I would be relieved when she said she wanted to split up.

Well let me tell you, it was a huge wake up call. I don't know how I was so oblivious to the pain I was causing. I completely destroyed our marriage. She had an EA with someone that I later found out about.

Right now, we are still in limbo as well. We have had ups and downs since she dropped the bomb (you can read my thread).

I have recently come to realize that I was emotionally abusive towards her for many years. To me, it sounds like you guys are in a very similar place.

Have you discussed couples counselling with him? And individual counselling for you?

I don't know the strategies well enough to offer any real advice. I'm still sorting through my own stuff, trying to save my marriage and going through therapy myself.

I just wanted to share my story, maybe you can find some hope in the fact that I have changed so much even though I was exactly like your husband.

The hardest part right now is going to be getting him on board. My wife was practically BEGGING me to try to work on the marriage, but I was totally oblivious. I'm new here, someone better seasoned than might have better strategies for you.

GOOD LUCK AND STAY STRONG!