Zelda - hang me up to dry

[Zelda09]

As a good friend of mine told me,

There is nothing magical in loving an a'hole. You won't get a blue ribbon for surviving the games and trying to make something of it.

And I'm at that point.

Is he ALL bad? A sociopath? Drugged up? Inheriting his mother's mental illness?

Not saying that. I am sure he loved me and was genuinely nice to friends and family at times. I remember falling in love, the things he built me, his face when Id surprise him with something nice, what he looked like that first night in the hospital, the first time the dog crawled up in his bed, our wedding, honeymoon, the day we closed on the house.

I also remember what he looked like throwing things at me, punching things around me, telling me flatly to get my chit together if I cried and he didn't wNt to hear it. Withholding affection, days of silent treatment. I remember discovering his texts and msgs to exes and women he complained to about me - since the beginning. The victim behavior, losing jobs, well before the accident. Calibri said it, he showed me who he was and I saw what I wanted to - H wasn't the issue.

I just feel like I'm coming free. It's a good feeling, to actually not care about saving this anymore and being ready for my next chapter.