Zelda - hang me up to dry

[Zelda09]

TLEE, I mean that. It didn't stop me from crying a bit ago, but this is necessary for me to get on with my life.

I cry from the rage and coldness I felt, that blankness across his face, smug, shrugging, "well what are YOU going to do about it, Z?" hours after he told me how loved I was. It felt inhuman and no matter the hope I've held out, every action since has just reinforced what I felt.

People have told me that he's no longer limping or cringing in 'pain' (despite huge weight gain) or using his cane, and he's planted seeds that I cheated on him, wanted him for his money, he's happier now by himself...he's proudly telling the world his new hobby is gambling, so he has that to spend - but was insisting Id still have to support us until he could get his feet under him. I guess when I told him what was coming down the pipe for me at work, that was no longer practical.

I know he used me until he Got that check . Even the MC and his own family said so. I have two hours of a recorded convo in which he twisted and turned everything afterward the incident, when we met up, him even saying to justify what he did, "subconsciously I think you should realize how you want to be treated, Z." And him telling me he figured M is a gray area for us now and he intends to sleep around - and when I begged him not to, he said, "I can give you a week of fidelity but that's it."

This isn't a man or M to stand for. I am relieved to have the end in sight.

I think of how before BD he told me 10' away from a family reunion that I'd have to F other men if I wanted children...me crying hysterically, him stone faced playing on his phone next to me. I got myself together and we arrived at the beach house, I went in to wash up and he cornered my mom upstairs and started bawling his eyes out we'd had a fight...everyone thought I was such an angry hateful person, bc he repeated this behavior to whoever would listen and all they saw was my coldness to him when we were in the same room. We slept in the same bed for three nights and he never showed any emotion to me. It is all coming out of the woodwork now, my mom used to really feel sorry for him until we started piecing things together.