Feeling so hopeless

[Lucy105]

Hi everyone.

Im continuing with my weekly counseling, and my Weight Watchers meetings, eating healthy, (down 28 lbs total now!) and keeping in touch with friends. I've been taking care of a lot of things that need to be done around the house, and trying to keep busy.

I do have some progress to share also. The DB coach helped me put together a letter to my husband, and after some very small positive communication (BABY STEPS!) between my H and I last week, she said I could go ahead and send it to him. I waited a couple days, and sent it to him yesterday.

That afternoon he contacted me via text, and asked if I could resend it, he had accidentally deleted it. So I did resend it to him. I know he deletes things he gets from me, because "she" uses his phone, computer, and his truck too. So I feel he read it in the morning, when I let him know to check his email, read it, and deleted it. I feel he probably had been thinking all morning about it, and asked me to resend so he could read it again.

As he had texted me, I kept the line of communication open between us. Last week, what really opened him up was when I quickly handled a couple things he needed me to do for the restaurant. So yesterday after he had contacted me, I kept that line of communication open, in a very positive way. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help him, and he did say no.

I continued, I needed some help with the lawn mower, it was flashing a light that I didn't know what to do with, so I asked him a few questions via text. Next thing I know, my phone is ringing, and it was my H. We had an amazingly pleasant conversation! (BABY STEPS! I always try to remind myself of this!). It was like talking to the husband I know, and love.....no anger at all in his voice.

This is a huge step for him, he has not initiated any communication with me since this whole mess started, and he's always been bitterly angry towards me.

We ended the conversation with him coming to pick up our second mower, so he has something to use at the restaurant, and he said he will change the oil for me in the other one I use here.

He is still with "her", but she is starting to put the nails in her own coffin, and I believe he is starting to get tired of her. I'm not going to let myself focus on that point however, I'm just going to continue being the positive person I've been working hard to become, growing from this experience, and working on me.