Just an update - in part to let everyone know I'm still reading all sitches - just really pushed to find time to post.

Also, things have been pretty hard lately and I didn't want to bring everyone down.

My dad died a few days ago and we are burying him tomorrow. I can't really seem to grasp that it's real, but I think this is pretty standard.

He's been sick for a long time - Parkinson's and he was 90 years old.

We sat with him in the hospital for around 12 days since he developed aspiration pneumonia from being unable to swallow. A pretty grim way to go... you can't eat and at 90, hospital staff are not keen to try the feeding options.

He was unconscious for the last two days and it was hard watching over him. I was so afraid, at first.

I've written his eulogy and organised the funeral. Just have to go to the damned thing tomorrow. I'd really rather not. Is that awful?
S16 says the same thing. I keep thinking how i took myself off to D court and got through that. . .

Out of the blue, I got a call from XH yesterday demanding that i get the kids to call him. He didn't say why.

When D19 returned his call, he announced that his dad, their other grandfather, was being operated on today for a brain tumour. He didn't ask about my dad, although he must know (from MIL) that he was near death.

The kids are in a state of weird otherness. I think we all are.

Meantime, S16's school has hit me with a bill for $20,000 of unpaid fees from the previous 2 years that XH was supposed to have paid, but did not - unbeknownst to me.

Their lawyers have sent a letter of demand indicating that, as I co-signed the enrolment form 14 years ago, I am liable for any unpaid fees, regardless of what a court-ordered settlement says about both parents sharing payment of fees.

XH knows how to play the system - he has no assets in his name and is self-employed. Therefore the only one who creditors can come after is me.

I'm OK, I think. Just thankful that I seem to have switched into survival mode and have a sense that things are not real. Don't know how long that might last.

Not looking for sympathy, just wanted to let everyone know that after you've been through a spouse's mlc, you eventually get the feeling that you can pretty much cope with anything.

I just patiently try to deal with whatever comes my way these days. SO different to how I used to be.