Dazed and Confused

[Bob723]

You're very welcome! I'm happy Last night and this morning were really good for you.

Bob

[sandi2]

That was her anniversary and her birthday gifts to me.

I know that has to hurt, and I think you are showing a lot of backbone by not caving to going. I also think you may need to prepare yourself for the strong chance she takes someone else in your place. I honestly believe that is why she was checking to see if you still wanted to go or not.

[Archer1]

That was her anniversary and her birthday gifts to me.

I know that has to hurt, and I think you are showing a lot of backbone by not caving to going. I also think you may need to prepare yourself for the strong chance she takes someone else in your place. I honestly believe that is why she was checking to see if you still wanted to go or not.

It is tough, and I haven't told her no yet. Just left it at the I don't know, haven't thought about it. Waiting for her to initiate a convo about it again to tell her I don't want to go with her.

I think I've somewhat prepared myself for her taking someone else. I thought that right away when she asked if I still wanted to go.

To my knowledge she hasn't looked for apartments since Monday. How much time should I let pass before I give her a deadline on when to be out? It's not bothering me too much for her to be around. I'm keeping busy and not even seeing much of her. I do still want her out, but I'm not in a hurry.

[Archer1]

It's getting harder and harder to stay distant/detached. W seems to be walking on eggshells around me. I don't know if she thinks I'm bottling it all up and I'm going to explode or what. Keeps trying to make small talk. She's been wearing very little around the house when I'm there and seems to be making sure I see her walk around. I don't know what she's trying, but it's not working... I don't think.

I'm going to keep up what I've been doing because it seems to be working.

Getting my beagle and myself into shape with our daily walks, so that's good.

It's hard to stay detached when she seems to be coming around, but I know that she seems to be coming around only because I'm detached/not pursuing.

I ordered a copy of The Solo Partner, so hopefully that's some good reading. Should be here tomorrow (I love Amazon).

Enough rambling...

I hope everyone has a good day.

[sandi2]

Keeps trying to make small talk. She's been wearing very little around the house when I'm there and seems to be making sure I see her walk around. I don't know what she's trying, but it's not working... I don't think.

Warning: She is playing games. She knows you have pulled back, so now she is baiting the line to pull you in. Her bait is looking sexy and trying to lure you toward her. It does not mean she has changed or that she wants you. It is a way the WW checks the emotional attachment of the man. If you take the bait, then she is confident, once again, that she has that control or power over you in the relationship. It is the oldest trick since Adam & Eve. Women use their sexual appeal to intice men, and sometimes it's for their own gain.

[Archer1]

Keeps trying to make small talk. She's been wearing very little around the house when I'm there and seems to be making sure I see her walk around. I don't know what she's trying, but it's not working... I don't think.

Warning: She is playing games. She knows you have pulled back, so now she is baiting the line to pull you in. Her bait is looking sexy and trying to lure you toward her. It does not mean she has changed or that she wants you. It is a way the WW checks the emotional attachment of the man. If you take the bait, then she is confident, once again, that she has that control or power over you in the relationship. It is the oldest trick since Adam & Eve. Women use their sexual appeal to intice men, and sometimes it's for their own gain.

Thank you for your view of what's going on. I had thought the same thing but wasn't 100% sure. So it's nice to hear I have my head on somewhat straight through all of this.

I haven't taken the bait. Haven't changed anything from the past few days (as far as NC/detachment etc).

Her attempts at talking and trying to engage me have been steadily escalating I feel, but I'm standing my ground.

Is there usually a next step in the way a WAW acts after their attempts at gaining control again fail?

[Archer1]

Good morning,

Can someone provide me with some wise words that will keep me from feeling the need to snoop? I know it does no good and I'll just end up making connections in my head that aren't actually there, but I can't seem to help myself and it's making things difficult.

[Cadet]

Good morning,

Can someone provide me with some wise words that will keep me from feeling the need to snoop? I know it does no good and I'll just end up making connections in my head that aren't actually there, but I can't seem to help myself and it's making things difficult.

I guess my question is what are you trying to accomplish by snooping?
What is your goal with it?
And once you have this intel then what are you going to do with it?

[Archer1]

I guess my question is what are you trying to accomplish by snooping?
What is your goal with it?
And once you have this intel then what are you going to do with it?

I guess I'm trying to figure out if the A is still going on.

Goal? I don't think I even have one. I'm probably not going to do anything different if it is or isn't still going on. Part of me thinks just knowing will be better than not.

I have no idea what I would do with the intel if I were to gain some. I'm not pursuing her or pressuring so it's not like I would even bring it up. I'd just sit and stew on it for a few days if I were to find something. Healthy, right!?

That's what I needed, Cadet. Thank you.

There's nothing good that can come from it.

[Fogg]

Archer,

Sorry you have to be here, but you are among friends who want to help. 2 A's in that short of a time must be very difficult to deal with, I can only imagine what you are feeling.

The only value snooping really has is to protect your finances or children(if you had any). Other than that it just causes you more pain and hurt over time, and keeps you from detaching.

If you see something good you gain expectations, if you see something bad it hurts you. Many times what we see doesn't even represent the whole story, and we are biased in our views of seeing what we want to see.

Another point to make is she may even be leaving things around so see if you do snoop, just to check how emotionally attached you still are. More distance/pursuit behavior.