Part 19 - keeping on keeping on

[Vanilla]

Gently Edz.

No expectations, you have tackled your issues, remember this is never done.

There are always more.......

Sleep easy.

V

[edz]

Well good morning all

its a very windy one down here today WFH to catch up the day after the bank holiday, in the office tomorrow which will be an opportunity to drop my ring in.

So back to the grind this morning after a busy and eventful weekend, nothing from w but thats to be expected as she'll be fully on H.E. and getting s to art etc, even if not I dont feel that panic if she doesnt call me/text me/fb me anymore.

Did drop her a quick message but was just to say I'll pick s up after work for swimming (yes V I think he may develop gills!)

Ive done the usual exercises etc this morning all my grooming and even got some house stuff done while i was on a conference meeting (ah bluetooth) so now back at my desk on emails.

So mixed today, happy about the way yesterday went it was such a good feeling to be with s and w and w was w yesterday back how I remember from our early days but with s integrated. We have a ways to go obviously but trust takes time.

Obviously a little flat after such a good one and then a work day but again thats not suprising. W is now very very open with me even telling me the flipside and follow on from Wows hubbys conversation, thats exceedingly refreshing after our lack of communication over the years.

We had a moment together while s was busy yesterday at the seaside where we both said things would not be back to the way they were as we've both changed, we both know what we want from a future together, we just need to work on it now. I think that sums up where I *think* we are right now. It does make things a little more complex in threading the needle between working with w to keep the motion going and pressuring and I'll misstep as will she but at least we have an (optimistic) timeframe and a destination in mind and know some of the perils between here and there.

Not home yet but another step on.

And yes V, you're right we're all a work in progress and one thing I take away more than anything tackling depression is it doesnt go away, I can control it, deal with it and be me not what it wants me to be but yes, it will be with me always and I will always be working on controlling it and being the best me I can.

Cheers

Thanks all.

[Dawn70]

I am so excited for you as it all sounds great. I agree with V, that you should remain cautious, but you already know that.
Sending positive thoughts your way as you move toward a new path. (((Edz)))

[edz]

Thanks dawn

Reasonably quiet today, took s swimming and read him a story in the bath before he headed off to bed. Just chilling out now, w has been on fb messenger but nothing too deep just talking about s and a few bits. Thats ok though well talk again soon enough I imagine

[Vanilla]

That little lad spends his life in H2O. He must be the cleanest child in history, either that or very waterlogged.

The ordinary stuff is so important.

V

[edz]

Good morning all

Another cloudy windy one down here, mixed and turbulent which should really describe my morning so far but I feel im the calm in the storm strangely.

So up this morning, checked via message what time w was picking s up. All the morning ablutions, fed s and the bft (different breakfasts!) and had an early call.

W arrived as I was finishing the call, made her some breakfast and coffee. We only had 10 minutes or so before she and s need to head off. W seemed a little flat, asked anything wrong she said shes been having some jitters but cant talk now.

This isnt unexpected as I mentioned previously. Not a lot of time and s was here so didnt try to dig. Just said ok when she's ready we can sit and talk but she shouldnt build it up or focus and should talk to me as soon as she can so whatever it is doesnt become bigger than it actually is. I have faith in us and if this is what we both want (which she was adamant about on Monday) we'll get there. Left it at that.

So on with a few emergency issues at work now while the 35mph+ winds have a blow around out there.

I'm calm and relaxed, not stressed but obviously a little worried as to whats playing on w's mind more importantly if its actually anything big (MIL/moving home/moving in as a couple again/space) or something else. Whatever I've said all along and repeated as long as we keep communicating as we are and dont let things build we can keep moving on.

So, meh - as I say I know there will be back steps, w will need space and time and may even go dark at times. I just need to respect that and trust in what she's said so far and the progress made and keep my patience.

Check in later guys.

[Sotto]

Hi Edz, there will be back steps and so try not to be too worried or discombobulated by them. They are bound to happen. I don't think anyone goes from all out of the M to all in the M without some hiccups along the way.

I would just see this as a phase in the journey and don't push or try and pursuade or fix things with your W. Do the DB things - listen and validate. If you feel unsure, come away and post here for some input.

If your W is thinking about possibly telling MIL - I can understand why she may have jitters. Or it may just be a natural feeling worried about how things will work out. It's much easier to feel secure when there's just you to worry about. But the prospect of re-entering a R is pretty scary I think. I'm surprised she has been as steady as she has for so long actually.

Let us know how you get on - we're all rooting for you guys! ((Edz))

[edz]

Thanks Toots (and I appreciate the hug today )

Im not too worried and hopefully it comes across that Im not knocked down and in a ball like I used to be at every silence or back step, really not now though overall Im not sure why or what changed in my atic.

Indeed MIL/FIL are visiting w/s today after lots and lots of delays on them coming over (nb there, nothing to do with me or my place). On monday w said she had rehersed and was writing it in her head so it wouldnt suprise me if it was playing on her mind. Honestly I dont believe she will go there today although it may be ramping up aprehension in her.

Could be other things entirely as you say Toots. Its a long road and I do worry she's made herself a rod by saying Christmas we'll be all settled, thats 234 days (me, count, nah) in that time to overcome her natural aprehension over (as you say) re-entry to the marriage, deal with the real terror she has on MIL, officially tell s (although he can see us hold hands, hug etc and isnt daft so Im not particularly worried although I appreciate her worry on impact on him if it fell apart again) thats kind of a lot to shoulder for her, I've told her theres not a rush and to keep talking.

On top of all that, parcticalities wise, she has a two month notice on her tennancy (yes, with her mum), for christmas she'd have to give her mum direct notice in september no later and that assumes a december move. If it goes south with their relationship I can imagine w getting the same poisoned pen letters I got on carpets and whatever, wouldnt shock me if she did to indirectly get to me. All this will be playing on w's mind I imagine.

Yes this is all overthought but I know w's mind, I suspect she may be driving herself into a small panic on what has to happen by when. I have (being me) already run the dates to myself it makes much more sense to slow down worrying about a new place etc and focus on herself but right or wrong mr fixit stays in his box unless w asks for him. I'm all about being patient right now.

As I said to w, if we both want this I have faith in us.

I appreciate all the positive vibes guys, its a long road and a waltz has steps back throughout.

[edz]

Good morning all

Sunny, cloud and windy today, busy morning again. And was an interesting evening last night.

So finished work yesterday and W called inviting me for dinner. She had some rather nice home made Indian food her mum had brought round (she has an Indian neighbour). I said love to come round, fed the BFT and popped into the shops on the way and got some wine and headed over.

We had dinner and s had chicken and we just had a family chilled evening. W and I on the sofa, s in her chair (we think he had growing pains yesterday).

I'd had a glass of wine and I always stop there since I have to drive and like to be safe, w asked what would I like to drink I said well the wine is nice but I'm driving, she then asked did I want to crash on the couch? Offered to move the car in case she was concerned about neighbours gossiping or talking to MIL but in the end no it was left in front of the garage.

Around 9 s went to bed and w and I had some wine, cheeeeese and crackers and watched house of cards and talked some more (nothing really detailed last night as everyone was tired) and indeed I crashed on the sofa for the night.

This morning got up and washed etc and when I came back in the living room there was s under my duvet, said he'd woken up and thought I forgot the car or took the wrong one, he was very happy to see me. As Ive said we dont want to raise *his* expectations so I just said well I had too much wine to drive home so stayed on the sofa. W and I had some coffee while s had his breakfast, they got ready and I dropped them at the polling place this morning for w to vote (I had an appointment first thing) and then headed back to feed bft and start work.

So now caught up with emails, lunchtime will go and vote myself (different boundry although Im only 1 1/2 miles away from w) get some food for BFT and possibly grab a shower and shave before this afternoon.

Not expecting any contact with w today as they have a pretty full agenda with an election party tea this afternoon that a friend invited them to but Im learning that having no expectations flows both ways at the moment!

233 days which still seems optimistic but maybe not impossible. And, no, I dont say things like that to w just to myself, oh and db buddies.

Have a good one all.

[edz]

Forgot to say no swimming tonight as the leisure centre is being used as a polling station, goodness V he may dry out!